Dating, or trying to do so, sucks. I likely feel this way because I'm a traditionalist when it comes to relationships. I have the 1950s mentality of the guy asking the girl out, him picking her up, paying for dinner and escorting her home with a kiss at the end of the evening (should it go well). Maybe there isn't a sock hop or a "pin" involved but I guess I'm old-school at heart. Yes, I realize this is misguided.
I'm bringing this up today because the two things on my list that several people have been asking me about are the dating and making out line items that I included on there. And sadly, over a month into my year-long adventure, I'm sucking (no pun intended) on achieving them.
Making friends in the big city is tough, but for me, dating is even more difficult. Things are not as clean cut as they were back at home or even as they are in my misguided head. Some guys, like my friend Ryan, like to be asked out by girls, when girls pick up the dinner tabs and when the girls "chase" them. I should not be surprised by this but yet I was because very few women I know are aggressive enough to chase guys, but I know a few who will pick up the check...after they have been dating someone for a while (a long while).
I've shared many times before on here how my approach with guys is not the best, so I hate to say this, but I'm dating impotent and have zero idea what to do on them.
For example, if a guy asks you to dinner is it assumed that he will pay? And if he does pay, does it automatically qualify as a date? Even identifying an evening out as a "date" is a lot looser now than before. Some of my friends even feel that a date = kissing or more. I'll provide an example of this below.
Awhile back, a friend of mine met up with a girl he had a semi-crush on. He asked if she wanted to get together "for some food" and she agreed. He had no intention of paying because it was a "friendly" night out. He met her at the restaurant and they enjoyed some nice conversation but at the end of the night, he paid for dinner and got no kiss before she left.
Guy: So after I paid, I kind of felt like it was a date
Me: Well yeah it kind of was a date
Guy: But I didn't even get a kiss goodbye
Me: Do you feel you should have?
Guy: Well yeah, it was a date
Me: So you feel that because you paid you should get something?
Guy: Well I got a hug...
Me: Funny, because you you originally didn't tell her it was a date, but then you decided to pay and now you're upset because you only got a hug goodnight? If you wanted her to "give" you something, you should have told her that she would have to "put out" when you were paying the check or give her the option to pay her half and leave the tongue-action to "optional."
Guy: You make it sound so dirty
Oh the guys in my life.
My ex-boyfriend Peter never paid when we would go out. We always went Dutch, which I thought was rather odd because all of my friend's boyfriends paid for dinner or movies. When I approached Peter about this, being tactful about it, he said, "You're a strong, independent woman, I don't want to disrespect you by paying." When I was 19, I totally thought this made sense, even though I said, "it's okay to disrespect me sometimes."
Now, thanks to Peter, I have zero idea what to expect when I'm asked out by someone. The last few times I went out on a date, I brought extra money with me in case I had to pay my share and when guys did pay for me, I was more nervous after dinner because I wasn't sure what would be expected. Most of them ended in hugs, but to be fair, if I paid for a city dinner, I'd hope for a little lip action. Seriously though, I'm not a prude, just old-fashioned.
I'm not sure if I'm the kind of girl who can "chase" guys because I'm already pretty clear about telling people what I want (hello I once replied "a job," when a very hot man asked me what I wanted). I don't play relationship games and I'm fine with picking up the tab sometimes...after we've been dating for a while. Is that wrong?
So I guess I need to "man up" and be more direct in asking guys out, or just go up to a nice looking guy at the bar and say, "hey you're going to buy me a drink and then go make out with me, so put some Chapstick on."
I think that'll go over well.
Reader note: I'm sorry the Colbert video was being such a b*tch last night. It's a really great segment and I have zero idea why it would not embed or let you play it on the Comedy Central site. I'm not a Colbert-tease. Promise.