Once you set up a Facebook profile, you go through a variety of emotions:
- Acceptance, yes, you have a Facebook account now. You're not left out in the cold
- Shock, OMG friend requests from people I knew in high school and that guy I fooled around with for one night in college?
- Joy, yes! I am more successful, prettier, etc. than people who were mean to me in high school
- Stalker, hmmm John didn't call me back last night, let's check his Wall and see what he's been up to? Was he really "away from his phone?"
- Old
Sadly, I'm passed the shock and joy phase, I've moved through those emotions and have now settled on the "old" stage of Facebook. Of the many Facebook acceptance levels, I really hope "old" is the last one.
I hit this stage when I checked my e-mail a few weeks ago and received the following "friend" notification.
"Jessica, Grace [last name] has added you as a friend on Facebook."
Grace is my 13 year old goddaughter/cousin. Immediately I thought it was a joke, and that a pedophile was pretending to be my goddaughter so he could talk dirty to me on Facebook chat and spam me.
To my displeasure, I was wrong. It was my goddaughter trying to friend me.
Once I accepted her request, I checked out her profile. And let me say, the girl is gorgeous, which I already knew. Five foot seven inches tall and all legs (bitch).
I am about to leave a note on her Wall when suddenly I see her status as "in a relationship."
IN A RELATIONSHIP??? WTF did I miss? She's 13 and has a boyfriend??? If she has a boyfriend, have they been necking or god...touching???
To see if my worst fears were true, I lovingly wrote on her Wall, while having a near heart attack:
"You have a boyfriend?? How old is he? Did you run a background check? Does he have good credit? DOES YOUR FATHER KNOW??" (I know my Uncle wouldn't take too kindly to a boy around his pre-pubescent daughter).
And as I hit "send" I realized, OMG I sound just like MY parents.
That was a tough realization.
While cowering in the reality that I am just like my parents and that I said a "parent-like" thing to my goddaughter, I came into work the next day and got another friend request.
"Jessica, Hannah [insert last name] has added you as a friend on Facebook."
Sitting at my desk, blinking disbelievingly at my screen I muttered, "motherf*cker" because my other 13 year old cousin was now friending me on Facebook. Was this a conspiracy to drive me crazy?
So I check out her profile and see a picture of her weighed down my heavy eyeliner, blue eyeshadow and mascara along with several revealing outfits that are way too small for her. Let's just say this, bosoms were heaving.
And when I saw her status as "in a relationship" I thought for a minute before I wrote on her Wall. What would I say to her that wouldn't make me sound like a fuddy duddy? My goddaughter felt the wrath of my adult rage, would I make another one feel the same thing? Well, I do like my goddaughter more than this cousin, so maybe I don't have to worry.
After a few moments of thought, I wrote out quickly, "like your profile pic, just remember, don't hand out the milk for free."
And hit "send."
Has anyone else had friend requests on Facebook that make them panic or groan? Or who do you hope NEVER finds you on Facebook?
Honestly I hardly go on my facebook. Mostly because I think facebook is lame. And yes i know why do I have one if i think its lame? I don't know, I have no good answer for that.
ReplyDeleteWhat bugs me about it is how you have to put your last name on it. Is that really needed? No. Also you cant have fun backgrounds like myspace.
Facebook is confusing!
But one day I will let my facebook and blogging friends come together.
My in-laws added me, which was definitely kind of weird. I mostly use it for keeping in touch with family and some friends who live too far away to really keep up the ties.
ReplyDeleteEveryday I wake up and say a little prayer that my mother doesn't join FB. Not because I have anything on there I wouldn't want her to see but simply because she is my mom. I don't want to worry that I didn't reply fast enough and that if I didn't remember to call back that it would now be all over my wall.
ReplyDeleteLol, I loved this post! I'm not at that stage yet where young'uns can find me. I'm unsearchable outside of friends (I think).
ReplyDeleteAnd that's scary to see that a 13 yr old is in a relationship! And I'm old, so I have no fear in saying that. :P
All of the people I've had friend request me are just old schoolmates and or cousins (who are younger but not by much). :)
My younger cousins arent allowed to have facebooks yet, but they keep trying. I am astounded that my little cousin is now 14. A few weeks ago I got a text message from her asking me how to get a guy to talk to her, then one that said "he just asked me if I was a virgin, what should I tell him." You better believe that I was on the horn saying "Who is this kid ,where does he live, how old is he, and YOU STILL BETTER BE A VIRGIN!"
ReplyDeleteIts hell to get old.
um, i felt old the day my mom joined facebook and asked me how to "use it." i'm just waiting for the day my dad wants in on it...i think he's getting sick of pestering my little sister (who's 14) to look at pictures i put up.
ReplyDeletei've also noticed that as the time i'm on it gets longer and longer, i have no problem being away from it for days or weeks at a time. now i'm on twitter *facepalm*
Facebook bores me now, but it also has helped me reconnect with people I haven´t seen in a while...
ReplyDeleteI always got weirded out when relatives would friend me... now its kind of normal, and an easier way to keep in touch! (Sad, right?)
ReplyDeleteActually today I got an FB request from a cousin, which would be normal, but her mother divorced my uncle a few years ago! And she was always a bitch to me. Oh well. I accepted because I'm nosy and like knowing whats going on with everyone. ;)
BUT if my parents every hopped on FB, which they said they wouldn't cause they don't understand it, then I'd freak.
lol. I check my facebook about every two weeks ...or more. and really, 98% of my "friends" are people from high school ....ugh. I'm honestly not sure why people like it at all.
ReplyDeleteAll the thigs that I have account with, myspace, facebook and twitter, I barely go online nowadays. I think it's true when it comes down to it, I feel kinda old doing stuff like that. I used to log on to myspace three - four times a day until last year and now once a month, maybe. Facebook, possibly once a week... Twitter..hmmmm - maybe once every two weeks.
ReplyDeleteI haven't had any requests that would make me want to hide in a hole just yet :)
I have about 13 relatives sitting in friend request limbo
ReplyDeletePlease tell me you didn't say "don't hand out the milk for free." That's awful! Hilarious, but awful. My little brothers been begging me to get him a facebook... so not happening!
ReplyDeleteYour quote about your cousin's heaving ta-ta's is hilarious. I got on FB only 3 years ago when I entered grad. school and recently, two of my aunts and my mom (yes, my MOM) have friended me. Of course, I denied them all (they already read my blog, can I get at least a little privacy?!) but I definitely think FB makes you want to revert back to the pre-Internet days from time to time!
ReplyDeleteI get REALLY angry when the girls who were total bitches to me in high school "friend" me. You teased me, ridiculed me, and all around made that 4 years of my life miserable. WHY WOULD I WANT TO BE YOUR "FRIEND?"
ReplyDeleteI'll pass, thanks. So yeah,I only have 67 Facebook friends. But these are people who I actually want to know what's going on in their lives and want them to know what's going on in mine!
What a great post. Too funny. I wasn't too thrilled when my teenager nephews joined Facebook, but I accepted their friend requests because I thought it would hurt their feelings to ignore them. I feel like I have to watch what I say now...no swearing, no suggestive comments. I even went through my Wall and cleaned off any posts that were made for adult audiences! LOL
ReplyDeleteLOL! I'm friends with my 14 year old brother on FB and it creeps me out so much. He just went to his first formal dance at school and brought a date...weirdest thing ever.
ReplyDeleteLOL! I think that qualifies as probably the best wall post, you know, ever.
ReplyDeleteI'm in that phase with facebook too. Everyone I know uses is, and it's way easier to coordinate get together's through- but wish I didn't have to wade through the having bosoms to get to that too.
I had my old moment. For me, it's my exes finding me on facebook. I've already been through the family on there thing. But my exes are starting to find me. Including my first ex, who is only 26.. and is married with three daughters. His oldest daughter is 6.. which is how long I've been dating Gene... and his wife looks like she could be my sister. It really freaked me out!!
ReplyDeleteFacebook made me feel old when all the high school students started joining, but now it makes me feel young. I was one of the early users because I was in college when it started and my school was one of the first to be added. So when I see much older people all around me just joining now, the fact that I've been on there for four years makes me feel young, because it dates me, you know?
ReplyDeleteI have had the exact same experiences with my cousins on facebook including the thuggish pictures of one of my cousins involving hand gestures and standing in a ring of fire...I felt old when I had no idea of the significance behind it...
ReplyDeleteFacebook annoys me. Actually, I think it's the fact that EVERYONE (and their mother, brother and cousin) is on it. Call me elitist, but I miss the days of COLLEGE ONLY folks on it.
ReplyDeleteBut I do think it's great that now everyone can reconnect with their old classmates/boy or girlfriends/ etc.
What annoys me the most though? My current (or former) bosses that want to be my "friend."
Um, EW, no thanks.
Both my 11-year-old and 9-year old cousins are on Facebook. The 11-year-old is completely vain and has 30+ photos of herself looking "lovingly" into the camera. There are a few of her that I had to zoom in on because it looked like she was topless.
ReplyDeleteI've brought my concerns to her mother's attention, but she doesn't seem to care what her daughters do online. Now I make it a point to check her profile daily.
you are so funny - and i find myself saying mother-like things to people all the time like that. and facebook is out of control. i used to have like 450 friends on there and i got paranoid that i didnt want that many people knowing what i was up to. i deleted 300+ people and now have about 138 actual friends/family on there who i KNOW :) but the things kids these days wear - so inappropriate. (how's that for a motherlike comment?):)
ReplyDeleteOh man, I went through this same exact thing a few months ago when my 13-year-old cousin joined Facebook. I thought it best to just up my privacy settings and pray to never get that friend request.
ReplyDeleteI have blocked a couple of people who i don't want to find me on facebook - a couple of real life enemies made due to my previous blog. Although my profile is private, i don't even want them to be able to see i HAVE a profile!
ReplyDeleteI run hot and cold with Facebook. Some days I love it. Others I want to weep because for example, I see my long time Ex is now married, very successful and has a beautiful family.
ReplyDeleteShort answer: YES.
ReplyDeleteLong answer: two kids I used to baby-sit for, one who was 9 months and another who was 2 when I started watching them requested me around Christmas time. Much to my surprise they are both in high school and one GRADUATED this year. THIS YEAR! So that made me feel OLD.
But then? My Gram requested me on Facebook and then I didn't feel quite so old.
I know how you feel.
i've only been friended by my godmother's daughter that's under the age of 21 and i definitely restricted that profile view. but yeah the fact that the youngins are signing on to facebook now sort of freaks me out. like a lot.
ReplyDeleteI have an award for you at my blog! :)
ReplyDeleteThis post cracks me up! I've found a lot of old high school and college friends on it but I am dreading the day my high school ex boyfriend gets on facebook. I know it's just a matter of time but ughhhh!!! Let's just say we left on bad terms and I have no need to talk to him anymore. It's been years and we are both married now but still.
ReplyDeleteI semi-freaked when my dad joined. I freaked when my insanely annoying/big-mouthed cousin sent me a friend request (which I have yet to respond to a month later), but the worst was having a guy I do NOT remember fondly show up as a suggested friend.
ReplyDeleteUm, no. Thanks.
Thanks for being MY friend on Facebook!
ReplyDeleteMy worst friend request has to be the verbally abusive whackjob I dated for a few months before E. This guy has found Jesus and Jesus wants him to be my friend now.
I am NOT kidding. That's what he said.
I said "Ignore."
I'm at the stage of - OMG everyone is either married, engaged or in a relationship...well except me that is.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it's depressing but I often wonder how many of those people are truly happy with the relationship they are in....
Ha, I LOVE THIS POST! Yeah, my YOUNG teenage cousins (and their PARENTS?) are friending me and I set them immediately to "limited profile," and even consider removing them sometimes. I mean, whoa.
ReplyDeleteHaha! I can totally relate to all you are saying here.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I am sick of Facebook for a variety of reasons and prefer the real world, so might just end that Facebook account soon!
And yes...it makes me feel old too.
My sister and I were the youngest children on both sides of the family, so I don't have to worry about a younger cousin adding me as a friend on FB.
ReplyDeleteWhat I DO have to worry about is my dad's ENTIRE FAMILY being on FB. It creeps me out. And while they aren't writing on my wall all the time now, it's still weird.