Monday, August 4, 2008

Vince Lombardi meets Suzy Homemaker on crack

Yes that must be quite an image.

I'm technically on vaca right now, doing my time in northern Wisconsin where there is no cell phone access or Internet, except at this nifty little cafe with Wifi, where I now find refuge from a house full of people, including my dad, stepmom, stepbrother and his girlfriend.

The reason we're in northern Wisconsin is because of a golf tournament at the local state park. My dad has played in this tournament for the last 28+ years. It's a tradition in the family every summer to drive four hours north to this little piece of 1950s heaven and get away from the city, horns, drunk baseball fans and work. No McDonalds, cable television or Starbucks. It's a test of your attention span and how well you can entertain yourself. 

And as one of the women in our group, I wake every day of the golf tournament and join my dad on the course, dutifully playing Suzy Homemaker for him until my stepmom arrives, when I then turn into a rabid fan.

This is a very serious job for anyone joining us for the golf tournament and as a woman you're required golf tournament duties entail:
  • Waking at an ungodly hour to join your man (in this case my dad) on the course
  • Provide moral support
  • Drive the golf cart and surrender it upon command
  • Cheer when your man does well
  • Say nothing when do they badly on a hole
  • Pick up golf clubs that have been thrown aside in anger
  • Take pictures
  • Keep score
  • Bring and maintain the cooler for yours and your man's cart - provide them with the requested food when necessary
  • Chat with the other daughters, wives and girlfriends before the 10th hole, bragging about how your man is doing
Yes, I'm Suzy Homemaker on crack and while I'm a feminist and independent woman, I don't mind doing this stuff once a year. Even if the golf course bathrooms/out houses are beyond atrocious, it's another sign of how much I love my dad.

Last year, my dad was playing against a long-time friend of his, and whoever won that day's match would go on to the championship round the next day. My dad was beating this guy by only a few holes and I could tell that the thought of having to eliminate his friend from the tournament was weighing on him. So I did what any good supporter would do and I gave him a Vince Lombardi-like pep talk. 

Me: What's wrong?
Dad: I'm only up by one hole, if I win this next one, Mr. X is out of the tournament
Me: So?
Dad: Well I feel bad
Me: What? Don't feel bad, do you think Mr. X is going to give up his seat in the championship because he would feel bad about beating you?
Dad: No
Me: That's right, someone has to lose today and it's going to be him, it sucks but you're not a loser, we're winners, you raised me to be a winner and now you're going to be
Dad: I raised you to be a leader
Me: Whatever, go out there and beat him and if it makes you feel better, don't crush him, but win, win, win, win!
Dad: You're right
Me: No shit I'm right, go team!

And my dad did win and I made sure to clap and cheer when he did. I think it boosted his self-esteem for the championship round the next day. Unfortunately he lost, but he played well.

Well it's time for me to go back to our rented house, change for dinner and pack my dad's cooler for the next day. My voice is actually kind of sore from cheering today too so I should rest. One of the wives was giving me a "look" today when I was bragging about how well my dad was playing (unbeknownst to me, he was playing against her husband). Time to sharpen the nails in case she gets in my face. Yes I'm a scratcher and a biter.

Full vaca wrap-up will be coming this week, I have plenty of unique photos to share, but I leave you today with this image of a little visitor (aka a wild turkey) that came out on the 7th hole today.


Mandy said...

Sounds like fun! And you can't beat getting to drive the golf cart. Great pep talk!

Katelin said...

actually sounds like fun in the no access zone. have fun!

thatShortChick said...

aw sounds like a blast!!

how random with that turkey?!

Maxie said...

I can SO see you being all pep-talky to your dad. Please tell me you act like Kelly Kapoor when Daryl kicks Jims butt in table tennis.

I don't talk trash I talk SMACK.

Alexa said...

get a hole in one!!!!

btw next saturday, lunch in chicago with me?!?! email me!

Anonymous said...

Nothing at all to do with this post (although you would make an excellent Suzy Homemaker on crack!), I want to know when you are going to post the flying pig picture.

Tipp said...

Congrats to your dad and good for you for being supportive!

Cheryl said...

Nice. Gotta love a vaca.

SF said...

jealous that you're out on vaca...i hope the turkey had fun! :)

LJ said...

Ha this is a funny post, it sounds actually like a fun time!

Anonymous said...

I agree that it sounds like fun. It's a great way to spend time with dad, unwind and drive a golf cart. Who doesn't love driving the golf cart!!!

Cass said...

were you wearing your pearls, suzy?
hope so! ;-)

Joy @ Big Time Fancy said...

In college, some of my guy friends would hold a Thanksgiving meal, entitled the "Giving of Thanks" - and in place of actual turkey, they would demolish a handle of Wild Turkey.

I have really smart friends.

Jenn said...

When I read this last night, I thought about how nice it would be with no Internet or cell phone.

Then our power went out. And is still out.

The whole lack of internet thing is messing with me. I miss it. Come back.

RebeccaC said...

Okay...I AM Suzy Homemaker but in the case of golf I'm a GOLFER. This place must really BE from the 1950! Is this a men's only tournament? I think you should be able to add to the list of "woman responsibilities": ACTUALLY GOLFING (and trying not to laugh too hard when you make par and your "man" doesn't). Ha!

Anonymous said...

I used to do this same thing with the men in my family every year. Unfortunately, most of the women also participated in the tournament so instead of joining them on the course to cheer and drink with them I would end up babysitting all the little cousins. I would much rather be Suzy Homemaker.

Angela said...

Aside from the golf (which I'm not into), your vacation sounds really relaxing. Sometimes it's nice to get away from the internet and cell phones and just spend time with family. Glad you're enjoying yourself!

Vanessa said...

I love your Dad's way of thinking! Enjoy the trip and drive safely.

golfer19 said...

The picture you included of one of the players is hysterical, no wonder they need moral support!
Make sure you are wearing a hat that guy wasn't and look at him (lol).

Princess Pointful said...

What a good daughter you are!! It is kind of fun to be forced away from technology sometimes...

Claire said...

I have taken on those golf course duties...but I only agree to it at a decent hour AND when I can have a beer in hand.

EP said...

I've got to admit, I've never taken on those golf duties but it sounds kinda fun. And y'alls conversation was hilarious!

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