Here's a tip for guys of what not to do when talking to a woman you've met on Match.com for the first time: Pay attention and turn the sports off.
Trust me, I can tell when you're not actually listening to the conversation.
Trust me, I can tell when you're not actually listening to the conversation.
I bring this up because I had my first phone call with a guy I met on Match.com last week. The guy, Mr. Cubs, is a few years younger than me, but he was nice by e-mail, so I was okay with chatting with him on the phone. What could it hurt? It's part of me "getting back out there!"
Anyhow, we get to talking and after a few awkward pauses, I notice that I'm answering all the questions. Well, I don't want to sound controlling so I back off and let him contribute. Then I realize there are changes in his voice, as if he's, well not paying attention. Okay, that's definitely not cool. Strike one.
So after he confirms that he's flipping between sports games while we're on the phone, I decide to move the conversation to things we may have in common.
So after he confirms that he's flipping between sports games while we're on the phone, I decide to move the conversation to things we may have in common.
Let's join our conversation:
Me: So yeah do you watch a lot of television? What are your favorite shows?
Mr. Cubs: Yeah I don't really watch a lot of television. I think it's dumb. I do like HIMYM though
Me: Yeah I hear that's a great show. Television is something I kind of splurge on, but I don't watch it all the time. I love LOST and Friday Night Lights, the Office....
Mr. Cubs: Yeah I don't really watch any of those. I just think TV is dumb if you're not watching sports
Me: Um, okay, did you see Star Trek at all? Do you like going to see movies? I love going to movies
Mr. Cubs: No not really. I would never go see something like that. Movies are dumb too. I would rather be caddying for extra money on the weekend then spend the day at the theater with some girl [note: he caddy's to make extra money while working toward his teaching certification]
Me: Even if you're dating that girl?
Mr. Cubs: Yeah, total waste of time
I think you can tell from this exchange how the rest of this call went. More awkward and dramatic pauses and pretty much me trying to get off the phone as soon as possible.
So he didn't work out, time for the next one!! And there is the possibility of a promising one on the horizon, one who likes movies and the same TV shows as me!
What are your "phone" pet peeves? People not paying attention? Calling from a loud public place? Call waiting?
Reader note: O-M-G. I really enjoyed everyone's comments yesterday about the soda vs. pop and accents post. I was truly shocked by the response and appreciate everyone weighing in. Some of the seriously cracked me up and it was so nice to hear where everyone is from too!
I have to say, Jade, you are my girl for acknowledging the crap we get from WI about our "a" pronunciation. Thank you for that.
What are your "phone" pet peeves? People not paying attention? Calling from a loud public place? Call waiting?
Reader note: O-M-G. I really enjoyed everyone's comments yesterday about the soda vs. pop and accents post. I was truly shocked by the response and appreciate everyone weighing in. Some of the seriously cracked me up and it was so nice to hear where everyone is from too!
I have to say, Jade, you are my girl for acknowledging the crap we get from WI about our "a" pronunciation. Thank you for that.
And butnoteveryday, I say "p-ill-ow." Boy I hope I'm not alone in that either.
Rebecca - You are right, it is Eeeeerrrrrrreeeee. JiT is wrong
37 comments:
That's not just a tip for guys on match.com, that's a tip for men EVERYWHERE!!! Who thinks tv is dumb and a waste of time?? If all he does is watch tv for the sports, he should go to a sports bar.
Oh My God - This guy needs to go!! I tend to get nervous on the phone and it may take a while for me to be able to carry out a nice conversation, but it definitely depends on the person on the other end.... When he doesn't pay attention or seems not interested in what you have to say, I totally lose the interest.
Also, his voice plays a huge role - I tend to get turned off or on by his voice. I like it deeper. :)
That guy sounds like such a keeper!
Not.
You poor thing!
Hahaha, why join match.com if you dont want to take a girl out to the movies (or something like that).
Why is this guy even on a dating sight? He is going to at some point take a girl to a movie, usually that happens in the first or second date.
I really hate when you are hanging out with someone and their phone rings and they answer it and then have like a 20 minute conversation. Especially if that conversation is about non sense. The polite thing to do is tell that person you are with a friend and need to call them back. That should take no more than 2 minutes tops.
And no its Lake Air-ee. Ohio is also pronounced A- hi-a =)
LMAO... I've had a few of these. Queens and I always say, if you're just not that into me, don't waste my time.
I had a recent text conversation with a guy I had gone on one date with that went a little something like this:
Hawaii: Hey sexy
Me: Hey, what's cookin?
Hawaii: Do you still find me attractive?
Me: haha, who ever said I found you attractive? lol
Hawaii: ok fine
Me: Lol, you know I was expecting more along the lines of "nothing much, how are you"... Random Boy
Hawaii: I don't do small talk!
Umm... what? Needless to say, I've kind of stopped talking to him. But I'm pretty sure he's blocked me on match now anyway.
So I feel your pain, Jessica. All us single girls do!
I tried Nerve.com for about 6 months. It wasn't bad. Messaged a bunch, talked to two handfuls, dated a handful. All was good, I was the one that ended it each time.
When I call a woman on the phone, there is no way in hell I would spend more than a 5 minute conversation to make sure she's not a psycho. 5 minutes, make plans to meet, move on.
The phone is the devil for the guy. Either you talk too much or don't talk enough. Not seeing a woman's eyes and body language is a quick way to ruin.
I'm already super awkward on the phone, which makes awkward first date internet phone conversations much much worse.
you're kidding me right?
the only way it would have been acceptable if he had LOST or the Office on while talking to you.
I have a date tomorrow night with a guy from Match. We honestly haven't really talked much. We've emailed a few times and have never had a phone convo, we texted briefly tonight though. He seems funny. I thought about writing him off, but who knows... I'm going on the date tomorrow. I thought it was weird we havent talked much but... I'm learning every guy is totally different and he's brought up some good points why he's not throwing out all the info right away so we'd actually have something to talk about in person. He scores a few points for that though because the last guy I went on a date with- we talked about everything under the sun before we met and then had dinner in complete silence. It was killer to sit through.
Bingo, reinventingamy. There has to be SOME mystery and things to talk about.
eugh boys like that are a total waste of time. I mean c'mon at least pretend you're interested in actually hanging out with a potential date? Don't shut EVERYTHING down as dumb. Bleh.
As for phones, I'm not a huge phone-talker. Would rather chat in person. But I reeeaaaallly hate being on the phone while on public transit. I try to talk as quickly as possible and hang up so I don't annoy people. Mostly this is because I hate listening to someone's one-sided conversation as they scream into the phone on a crowded rush-hour train. But it's also partly because here in Australia, I obviously have an accent, and thus the whole train notices it and pays attention to my entire conversation no matter how quiet I am. It's frustrating to watch an entire train try not to stare at you while they obviously are listening to my conversation.
EW so not a keeper, I follow so many shows. If the guy cant appreciate a goof tv show he cant get anywhere with me, for sure!
I hate talking on the phone in general. I avoid it at all costs. The worst is guys that don't talk though. I'm really quiet to begin with, so if guys don't talk, the convo is painful.
TV is a waste of time , but how else are you suppose to waste it? On the Internet? Spectator sports on or off the tv are an equal waste of time, one should engage in something active, be of sports, gardening, writing, or maybe studies, but something active.
Well at least you weeded him out via phone call instead of a bad first date ;)
I have a huuuuuuuge problem with this. What is the point of answering a call if you're not going to pay attention? Maybe I'm immature, but the next time that person calls, I enjoy acting completely distracted and seeing how they like it. Of course I'm also 12.
Sorry it didn't work out, but I'm excited to hear about the new guy on the horizon!
What a tool! *This* is the exact reason why you shouldn't dilly-dally too long on email. Because, in hindsight, you might realize it was a true waste of time if the guy can't hold a conversation worth a damn! There are others out there, though, so I hope you're not dissuaded from trying again!
Why join a dating site, if you're not willing to give a few minutes to talking to a potential match? He could have at least arranged the conversation to take place when he wouldn't have been distracted by sports!
OH my gosh. What an attitude!! Sounds like this is a bullet dodged =)
That would totally annoy me, and I'd probably just tell the guy "I have to go... Bye!"
And duh, are you really trying to get a date with that answer about not going to the movies.
wait, he told you the things you like are "dumb" and a "total waste of time" ?! who does this guy think he is?!
I cannot wait to hear more about the dating next week.
:)
I shouldn't be that shocked, but that conversation seriously floored me.
if anyone deserves a giant WTF, it's that guy. To quote Stephanie Tanner, "How Rude!"
I shouldn't be that shocked, but that conversation seriously floored me.
if anyone deserves a giant WTF, it's that guy. To quote Stephanie Tanner, "How Rude!"
Oh he's not a good one at all!! My biggest pet peeves are when someone is doing something else while talking to you while clearly not paying attention. Also when you get put on call waiting and the person takes FOREVER to come back to you! I don't care if you want to take the other call over mine, but at least take the minute to hop back over and let me know so I dont sit on the phone forever!
wow - he sounds like a great guy ;) and on the whole soda vs. pop debate...i always said pop. i'm from chicago. then i moved to wisconsin and somewhere in the past 4 years, started saying soda. i didn't even notice until my non-wisconsin friends pointed it out. now calling it pop seems weird. i still say "water fountain" and "atm" though. :)
WOW. That guy clearly is not good when it comes to dating. Doesn't he know the "agree in the beginning to get her to like you" deal? Or, the "don't be mean when you first talk to her" rule?
Wow. I don't watch a lot of the popular tv shows, but I would never tell someone I thought it was dumb! He's going to have quite the time getting a date.
Good luck on your upcoming one! May he be less douche-y.
There are just no words for that. What a loser. How can someone not like LOST? Sheesh.
doesn't love TV or movies?!! who is this guy!? sheesh. and totally rude to be watching a game when on the phone. i agree he's a fail. moving on now... :)
If you don't mind me asking, how old was this kid?
Yikes, seems like he gets a big fail in the social skills department!
Good luck with the other promising prospect!
It's a wonder why he even bothered using Match.com! His immaturity and rudeness came through very clearly. Who knows...he might even think that the conversation went well. Hoping he doesn't bother you again.
atleast you found out the incompatability before you went out on a date!
pet peeves: eating on the phone and them doing something else that takes thier attention: computer, tv, etc... i give you my all on the phone and i expect the same back!!
Hi,
I'm new to your blog and living a similar life in NYC (twenty-something, single, etc.)
I've met some winners myself via Match.com and others. I understand the point of being forward but it really annoys me when guys are negative nellies about stupid things and so many need some basic lessons on the give and take of conversations. Sounds like Mr. Cubs will be spending a lot of time on his couch...alone.
Looking forward to reading more!
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