Date recap #4: Pick your movies wisely

Wow. I had a lot of people ask me about my date so here is the official post/recap. Sorry to keep you guys waiting!

It kills me to say this but my date Saturday night with JohnBoy gets a B grade. Maybe it was an off night for us both and it had been a week since we saw each other and he just got back a day earlier from his trip, but something seemed....off.

Rather than have a big date production this time (sorry no picnics in the park,) we opted for a more laid back date: dinner and a movie.

And as per usual, I was insanely nervous before we went out, pacing and wondering, "WTF am I doing?"

Yes, I'm still a little insecure. But I'm the kind of person who obsesses and gets super nervous before a date and then when it starts, I'm totally fine. It's all my neurosis about the build up. And because it was over a week since we really saw each other, the beginning of the date was a little awkward, getting comfortable with one another again.

So anyhow, back to the movie, which is honestly why I think the date vibe was a little...off. Because I'm a movie buff and have movie buff friends, I've seen the majority of the new releases so that left slim pickings behind for a date. So we settled on The Proposal and I felt pretty secure in that choice....until we arrived and found out it was sold out. Shit. So that left.....Ice Age or Bruno.

Please guess what the answer was........still waiting.......oh come on you know the answer......Bruno.

Here's what we were thinking: "Hey yeah that'll be fine we both agree, we know what we're getting into, hey it won't be too awful."

O-M-G. No it wasn't awful, parts of it were actually really funny, but the sex and constant male anatomy on the screen definitely....killed the mood a little bit. I wanted him to hold my hand, but when two guys are ball gagged in bed on the screen, that doesn't say, "aww look how romantic this moment is." That's more for when they're wearing harnesses (KIDDING!)

So after a few post movie awkward pauses and some awkward laughter, it was dinner time, where I hoped alcohol would me loosen up. And it did. Wine always delivers for me.

We went to Bandera, which was awesome and as always, he was a perfect gentleman, telling me how nice I looked and holding doors, helping guide me through the crowd. But I still think the movie buzzkilled any romance for the date because there was no hand holding, arm around the shoulder or anything. I was a little disappointed, but maybe that's a sign for me to be more forward.

And after paying a ridiculous amount in parking to drive me home (instead of me taking the bus home), the evening ended with a few hugs and kisses.

Now I'm bummed I won't see him for over a week because of BlogHer and work stuff coming up, but he said when I'm done, he'll take me out to celebrate.

That, I can't wait for.

So I guess I learned a few things from this date: yes, I want to see him again and we've already made plans to see another, funnier movie together, and that while I definitely respect him for taking it slow with me, it's time for me to take the lead on a few things.

Have you ever had these awkward moments on a date? How do you overcome them? And yes, we're still e-mailing so everything is good. But I need some PDA action :)

Those magical butterflies

Lately, I've been thinking about a question that my homey Alexa asked me when we dished about date #2 with JohnBoy one day on Gchat.

She asked me if I felt any butterflies when JohnBoy and I kissed (several times) and it took me a few minutes to respond.

My answer: I don't know.

Butterflies? Wow, I haven't really felt those in a LONG time. And do they feel different as a jaded adult trying to date?

I remember the old days of "butterflies," feeling totally lovesick, so much that you can't wait to see someone or just the thought of them makes me go all giggly inside. That feeling where when someone touches or kisses you, you feel like an explosion is going off in your stomach and the butterflies could just take you over until you see that person again. Or that feeling where you try to pick up the phone to call but you're so nervous you hang up after one ring. Done that.

But when you come from a divorced family, who has made the idea of love a little...difficult to stomach, can you still have that feeling?

I'm not saying butterflies won't be there one day with a guy or even JohnBoy but is it kind of weird that I don't feel those sparks?

It might be because it's been so long since I've kissed a guy (I know, lame), but I felt very....uncomfortable for a moment when we were on our date. But then again, I usually feel uncomfortable from male attention since...guys don't really go for me. And my friends, who are so sweet like all of you, who are excited for me, wonder why I'm not more excited about this and the reason is: I'm not used to it, I need to take it slow.

So after I told Alexa, "I don't know," I did say, "I didn't feel butterflies yet but he makes me smile, laugh, holds doors open for me and tells me that I'm pretty. And I like the way he makes me feel."

Maybe for now, that's something right there.

So I'm not ruling anything out, but are "butterflies" really important? Or do they come with time?

Note: I'm so glad I'm not the only one stocked with weddings this summer. Holy cow, there is something in the air. But I will try to stock up on "squeaky" cheese curds for everyone. Squeaky cheese, you guys crack me up!

Join me on a recap of my date

Normally, I'm not a nervous wreck before dates, but before date #2 with JohnBoy, I was seriously freaking out.

Yes, our first date went well and yes, I do like him, but I haven't made it to date #2 with a guy in a long time so the fact that we made it to the second round, made me feel a little self-conscious.

So I obsessed over the weather all day, wondering if our wine/cheese picnic in Millennium Park with the Chicago Symphony Orchestra as the background music would be ruined and what was a suitable plan B. The reason I also obsessed over plan B is because JohnBoy told me he had one but wouldn't tell me what it is, which of course makes me want to know ALL THE MORE.

And despite some drizzles, we still picnicked for a while, enjoying good conversation and some nice music. Seriously the concerts at the Pritzker Pavilion are nice.

Oh and I happened to accidentally spill wine all over my flip flop (classy) and JohnBoy decided to just kiss me early so it wasn't awkward at the end of the nice. Um.......yeah I'm okay with that. And it was nice. So I went back for another one and then grinned like an idiot when he said he'd been thinking about that all week.

OMFG who says stuff like that? I've never had a guy be this nice and respectful to me....ever?

So when the rain picked up, I took my Chardonnay-soaked flip flop with me and we headed to Gioco in the South Loop for dinner. More good conversation, plus ricotta and spinach tortellini followed and then suddenly it was 11 p.m. and I couldn't see out of my left eye because my contact lens decided to quit working on me, without notice.

That was the sign that it was time to go home. And after another awkward moment in the car (because car hugging/kiss goodbye can be uncomfortable), he walked me to my front door. And went in for another kiss. Nice work, way to lock that evening up. And he had the "stop-talking-because-i'm-going-to-kiss-you" look all over his face :)

This is a man ladies. A man who makes plans and goes for the first move. Helllllllo!

So we plan to meet up when he's back from his week-long vacation and take it from there. So yeah, I think there might be a date #3 coming up!

Oh and he told me more than once how nice I looked. Tee hee.

So the question for tonight is, what is your idea of a perfect date? Feel free to "plan" it here!

Scenes from a bar

I'm not a sociologist. In fact, I almost failed that class in college, but I report on what I see and what I saw lately was a classic male mating ritual around women at the bar.

Let me begin by saying that getting a table at a rooftop bar on a nice summer day, even for a group of girls, requires military-like precision. You do the awkward walk around, checking out if people are just chatting or snooping to see if they're signing the bill. You stare at strangers, giving them the "eye" that says "boy it would nice if you left so I could sit down and enjoy my multiple beers in peace."

Then, when someone finally does give up a table, it's a mad dash to secure it. This can happen with one member from the group breaking from the pack to claim the table and screaming "TABLE!" out loud and rushing for it, letting a friend hold their drink. Or depending on your alcohol consumption, throwing yourself on the table while placing a licked finger on it and saying, "dibs, dibs, I called dibs," rather loudly. It happens.

So now that you're enjoying the table, at some point in the evening some guys will try to take it because the real estate value of that table has increased twofold. At this time, more drunk women are up on the roof so men need to have that table in order to increase the change that women will flock to them. Yes, it happens. And as available table and counter space for pitchers declines, men with tables become more attractive. It's easy math.

And while enjoying a rooftop bar table with friends recently, two men approached our table and just sat down. I must have blacked out when I "invited them" to join us. Anyhow, while making little conversation, the alpha male cleaned his glasses, combed down his mustache hair (and no I don't want a mustache ride) and proudly showed off his shirt that said, "Middle School, Class of 2003."

Are you f*cing kidding me. You wear THAT out to a bar. Where there are women. THAT shirt, you had NOTHING else in your closet that wasn't as pedophile creepy? Guess not. When I saw that, one thought enters my head, "To Catch A Predator." He looked like one too.

He proceeded to let his wingman buddy sit there and stare at us, while the alpha finally entered into a friendly dialogue.

"I can tell [said to me] that you're a cool chick."

"F*ck yes I am! I'm the coolest chick you're going to meet, who isn't on pay-for sites online [am referring to adult material, Match.com does NOT apply]."

"I'd like to shake your hand."

And he gave a weak handshake. P*ssy. Not even a cheap offer to kiss it? Weak.

His friend finally entered the conversation, getting up the courage to talk to us and said, "well we have a pitcher of beer coming."

Free beer? I'm listening.

"I like guys who are givers," I said as a joke.

Now the wingman REALLY gets interested in the conversation, obviously misreading what I was saying.

"I like women who are givers."

Grossed out and getting the odd look from my friend, I realized we would have to sacrifice the table because a) I was not in the mood for banter and b) I needed to stop drinking beer and go get some food. So with a snort, I picked up my purse, looked the guy right in the eye and said....

"I bet you do and I'm sure the female givers you know take personal checks too."

Thank you and goodnight!!!

What have you seen guys do at bars that makes you sick? Too much attention to Golden Tee? Or what have you had happen to you at bars that drives you insane, from girls or guys?

Fortunately, I don't think this will be happening on my evening out with JohnBoy tomorrow. Very nervous. But it will be fine :)

The awkward part of the date

So now that I've told you about my weekend dates, I need to share the most awkward part about the date with JohnBoy, which was the end.

For me, the end of dates is the most uncomfortable. Not the uncomfortable pauses in conversation during dinner or after I realize this guy isn't going to work out, it's the end, after the conversation is over, dinner is paid and it's time to say goodnight.

There is always that moment when it comes time to say goodbye of...now what? Do I hug, do I kiss, what is appropriate?

I don't give up or do anything I don't want to, but I never know if I should lead or initiate something. For someone (aka me) who is rather aggressive when she wants things, I get very timid and "traditional" when it comes to dating.

Back on point, when JohnBoy drove me home after our date, there was definitely an awkward moment of...what happens now? Outside of me getting out of the car and going home.

So we're sitting in his car, talking, I'm exhausted and ready to pop out one of my contacts ASAP and we're just...staring at each other.

Finally after crickets started chirping, I said thank you for the millionth time (I meant it too), I didn't think he was going to do anything (other than say thank you) so I go in for a hug. Not totally awkward, but the car isn't the best place for a proper one, and then.....oh what the h*ll, I planted a slightly drunken kiss on his cheek and got one in return. I mean, he did pay for dinner and acted like a total gentleman all night.

This may be sad to admit, but it's been a while since I had a nice kiss from a guy and if I had one or two more drinks, I would have definitely have "nicely" pushed him against the car door and gone in for some tongue action, but I didn't.

And after his "surprise" half-kiss, I hopped out of the car. I know, I wish I would have lingered a little bit too. I don't want to "peak" too early in hopefully our string of upcoming dates.

What part of the date do you usually fine the most awkward, or what do you do at the end of the date to avoid the awkwardness of saying goodbye?

Note: Thank you for the great comments on the date post yesterday :) I so appreciate all the kind words. And after reading everyone's comments, I agree, I think it's time to vote Dayton off of "Match Island." I just can't get over that wearing the same shirt thing either! You guys give great dating advice ;)

A tale of two dates

Yesterday I mentioned that I went on two dates with guys from Match, and because I'm not a tease, I will deliver on my promise to tell you about it.

But before we get there, two dates in two days with two guys? I know, let's say it, "holla playa! Heyyyyyyyy. Big pimpin. Oh yeahhhhhh."

Okay, moving on, I went out with JohnBoy for the first time and Dayton for a second time. Check out my mention of my first date with Dayton here. And if you follow me on Twitter, you'll know that Dayton has been sending some odd signals lately by saying, "yes I want to get together with you, but I need to keep my schedule flexible so I can go sailing if I want to." Not the best thing to share, but whatevs, we still got together to see if there is a spark.

Now, let's dish about the dates.

Date #1: JohnBoy, we'll always have tacos

I won't lie, I was really looking forward to meeting JohnBoy. We've e-mailed and chatted on the phone a few times, and he was always really sweet and funny. Raised in Atlanta and now living in Chicago, I smelled "southern gentleman" on him (and not Drakkar Noir) and said, yes, let's meet up.

So we did at De Cero in the West Loop post-20sb wine tasting and I won't lie, I was really nervous. So much so that my hands were actually shaking a little bit. Eeek that never happens!

Dinner was very nice, handmade tacos and a delish margarita, and JohnBoy was every bit the gentleman I thought he might be. From opening doors (car and restaurant) to letting me order first, to helping me with my chair, it was really nice. AND he even held the umbrella for me when it started raining after dinner.

OMFG who does that?

The conversation was good, few awkward pauses and I think we were on the same page with what we wanted long-term and how we feel about our careers. No, I didn't say I wanted to marry him and have his babies, but the topics came up very loosely. The date ended well and I told him flat out that I wanted to see him again. Let's hope I do! And he even sent me a playful e-mail on Sunday morning, and I couldn't help but smile when I saw it. Oh boy.

Date #2: Dayton - you had me at Rigatoni

I met Dayton Sunday night at Tarantino's at the recommendation of a work friend, who has very good taste in food. And she didn't let me down, the Lincoln Park restaurant was a perfect setting for a nice dinner outside and the meal was beyond fabulous. The leftovers will be too.

The locale and food was amazing. The Dayton's company was okay, but something seemed a little....off and platonic.

First, I was running late, due to Pride Parade cleanup, so I was already in a flushed rush to get there in a decent amount of time because I hate being late to places.

He beat me there and surprised me by wearing....the exact same dirty polo shirt and jeans that he wore on our first date. *crickets chirping* I'm sure this wasn't intentional but definitely caught my attention, especially when I'm in a cute sundress and accessories. He said I looked "professional," yet I would have settled for "nice."

Conversation was a little rough, every 10-15 minutes, he went on "screensaver" mode and would look off into space, making me fear he might pass out at any second. I failed CPR, so don't look to me to save you on that one.

But we did talk more about work and our personal interests. He made sure to make fun of my sunburn and talk a lot about his dog. A lot. No seriously, a lot. It also came up in conversation that he has issues with his family dynamic, coming from a divorced home. Been there, done that myself. There were definitely awkward parts in conversation and I was the more upbeat of the two of us, maybe it was a bad day?

So the date ended okay with him, with a chaste hug and saying he'd write me in a few days since we weren't hanging out until next week due to July 4th.

I won't rule things out with him, but the friend vibe is stronger than ever. So I think I'll give it one more shot with him and then maybe have the "talk" about how we're feeling toward one another.

And there are the tales of my two dates.

What was the best/worst date you've ever been on?

Online dating is WORK

Holy cow, this online dating thing is a serious time commitment.

On a daily basis you have to weed through possible matches, send winks, write e-mails, respond to e-mails and try to be witty, charming and just be yourself without getting fussy at the same time. This could be a full-time job!

Fortunately, since my initial Match.com phone call fail last month, I have had a bit more luck. I met a guy for coffee before my vacations, which was dubbed an official "date" by several blogger and IRL friends, and it went well. Apparently I made quite an impression too because he e-mailed me the next morning and asked to see me again. Wow. That NEVER happens. So I'll give it another shot. The date went well, not a huge spark but I'll try again and not rush to judgment.

And since date boy (who I will call Dayton) entered the picture, two more guys have too. So far that's just been friendly e-mails but one guy, JohnBoy, sounds really interesting so I'm anxious to meet him in person.

The one issue that has come up is that these guys are not the most "aggressive." For example, I was supposed to go out with a guy, Sam, this past weekend. He asked me out and then wanted me to pick the date, time and place. So that I didn't sound controlling, I got together some recommendations and asked for his thoughts, since, well he would be joining me. He was noncommittal on each and then proceeded to say that I should just take the reigns on this and tell him when to show up. Um. Yeah, that's not how that works. What is the problem with even just weighing in on the place? Bueller? Anyone?

And because we kept going back/forth, it didn't work out to get together but I'll try again, making sure this is more of a team effort. I'm a planner at work, that doesn't mean I want to be the planner at home all the time too.

Anyhow, I'm just saying, doing this online dating stuff takes a ton of time. Talking on the phone, deciding where to go to dinner, getting to know one another, awkward hug/kiss at the end and then setting up a plan to see each other again. Oy.

I need to be better at multi-tasking. And putting myself first because looking at my schedule, I don't have a lot of time to meet with these guys for the next week or two. I really need to work on this cloning bit.

Do you find that dating can be a lot of work too? Or do you like dating to be a little more "old fashioned" and have the guy plan the dates?

Personally, if he asks me out, I think he should take the lead in planning. But that's just me. Apparently I need to "man up" and be more aggressive myself.

Mating season: Hot time, summer in the city

I don't want to sound too optimistic, but summer could be returning soon to Chicago (finally). And while I'm celebrating the joyful return of warm weather and open-toed shoes, something else is getting started in the city: mating season.

(insert Jaws theme music)

Oh that's right, the weather isn't the only thing heating up this spring.

The warm weather not only throws off how you should dress, but also, how you view members of the opposite sex. Suddenly that winter, wool coat and scarf disappear and guys start wearing just suit or cotton jackets over dress shirts. And yes, I swoon.

Actually, I objectify them with my mind and dream about doing naughty things to them. Oh yes, khaki rips easily, just like buttons.

Sorry, got sidetracked. That's the great thing about the "spring heat" phase we all hit, suddenly you remember how cute guys and ladies look in light, springy clothing, how much happier they are waiting for the bus and the fact that they're not ducking into doorways or putting on as many layers as humanely possible.

And, I know winter boots and Uggs are not the most attractive, but you cannot discount the warmth they offer.

I am a SUCKER for guys in dress shirts (especially blue ones) and khakis with loafers and a messenger bag. I will stare at them on the bus like they are a piece of meat to devour and make them uncomfortable with my glare.

So the question for tonight is, what clothing items do you love seeing your guy/girl wear once spring rolls around? Or what do they wear that you think they look the most attractive in? And yes, "nothing" is an acceptable answer too! Or I'll make it easy and you can share what your favorite spring/summer clothing item is. Lots of questions to choose from!

Note: Thanks everyone for the great comments on yesterday's mani/pedi post. I'm so glad that just about everyone enjoys them. And I do agree with many of you that mani's get messed up easily so pedi's are a "better investment." Oh I'm dreaming of getting a pedi right now.

Boy phone conversation fail

Here's a tip for guys of what not to do when talking to a woman you've met on Match.com for the first time: Pay attention and turn the sports off.

Trust me, I can tell when you're not actually listening to the conversation.

I bring this up because I had my first phone call with a guy I met on Match.com last week. The guy, Mr. Cubs, is a few years younger than me, but he was nice by e-mail, so I was okay with chatting with him on the phone. What could it hurt? It's part of me "getting back out there!"

Anyhow, we get to talking and after a few awkward pauses, I notice that I'm answering all the questions. Well, I don't want to sound controlling so I back off and let him contribute. Then I realize there are changes in his voice, as if he's, well not paying attention. Okay, that's definitely not cool. Strike one.

So after he confirms that he's flipping between sports games while we're on the phone, I decide to move the conversation to things we may have in common.

Let's join our conversation:

Me: So yeah do you watch a lot of television? What are your favorite shows?

Mr. Cubs: Yeah I don't really watch a lot of television. I think it's dumb. I do like HIMYM though

Me: Yeah I hear that's a great show. Television is something I kind of splurge on, but I don't watch it all the time. I love LOST and Friday Night Lights, the Office....

Mr. Cubs: Yeah I don't really watch any of those. I just think TV is dumb if you're not watching sports

Me: Um, okay, did you see Star Trek at all? Do you like going to see movies? I love going to movies

Mr. Cubs: No not really. I would never go see something like that. Movies are dumb too. I would rather be caddying for extra money on the weekend then spend the day at the theater with some girl [note: he caddy's to make extra money while working toward his teaching certification]

Me: Even if you're dating that girl?

Mr. Cubs: Yeah, total waste of time

I think you can tell from this exchange how the rest of this call went. More awkward and dramatic pauses and pretty much me trying to get off the phone as soon as possible.

So he didn't work out, time for the next one!! And there is the possibility of a promising one on the horizon, one who likes movies and the same TV shows as me!

What are your "phone" pet peeves? People not paying attention? Calling from a loud public place? Call waiting?

Reader note: O-M-G. I really enjoyed everyone's comments yesterday about the soda vs. pop and accents post. I was truly shocked by the response and appreciate everyone weighing in. Some of the seriously cracked me up and it was so nice to hear where everyone is from too! 

I have to say, Jade, you are my girl for acknowledging the crap we get from WI about our "a" pronunciation. Thank you for that. 

And butnoteveryday, I say "p-ill-ow." Boy I hope I'm not alone in that either. 

Rebecca - You are right, it is Eeeeerrrrrrreeeee. JiT is wrong

The first time I said "I love you"

A friend recently told me that she and her boyfriend exchanged the four-letter "L" word. Love, that's the "L" word I'm referring to. Mind out of the gutter.

And while sharing in her good news, I reminisced back to the first time I said "I love you" to a guy. Oh misty water-colored memories.

For me, saying "I love you" is a big deal. Big. As a perpetual late bloomer, who had her first kiss at 18 and first real boyfriend at 19, being in love was romanticized for a long time by Disney and the movies, so I always wondered what it would feel like to love someone and how I would "know" when I did.

As he was for many other things, Peter was the first and only guy I ever said those words to. And he was the one to say "I love you" first in our relationship.

I don't remember the exact moment I knew that I was in love with him, but I do remember one day looking at him and feeling like I couldn't breathe. And when he asked if I was okay, I blurted out, "I love you."

Yes, I'm sure it's better than saying, "no, I'm choking" or "no, I'm just passing gas" but at that moment, I could finally say that I loved him. And he knew that when I did, it was sincere.

And once I said it, I was a love-saying machine, I couldn't get enough of it. Yes, I'm sure this made me look a little desperate and clingy, but being in love for the first time made me want to scream it out loud!

And even though things didn't work out with Peter, I found that it took a long time for that love to fade away. Falling in love takes time but falling out of love takes longer. I can't say that a part of me doesn't love Peter anymore, but considering he was the first guy I said it to, I can live with the fact that he'll always be a little more special to me than the rest of them.

So when I say that I love my parents and my friends, I really do. And it's much easier to say that to them than to a guy I like or am romantically involved with. But at least when I say it to a guy, I know it's for real.

Question time! How man guys/girls have you said "I love you" to? And how did you know when you were in love with them? I'm very anxious to hear the responses on this as I'm sure everyone's experiences are different.

Reader note: Everyone's comments on the beauty queen title cracked me up! I am so glad I'm not the only ungraceful person out there. And again, while I poke fun at pageants, I'm not poking for at people who participate in them. I'm sure they do require a lot of training and skill, I'm just not that talented :)

Online dating, take two

That's right, I'm getting back out there!

My experience at eHarmony was a big FAIL. Apparently on its compatibility scale, I am undesirable for just about everyone in the Chicago area, so I decided to bail on that and go with Match.com, which a few other of my friends have had luck with.

Online dating, take two!

I've been on Match.com now for a little over two weeks and it is dramatically different from eHarmony (but not in a bad way) and has made me feel overwhelmed and surprised at the same time.

Mostly, because there are men on Match.com that actually seem interested in me and my profile. Or that "new profile" smell is still on me, either one.

Within 24 hours of signing up, my personal e-mail was flooded with "winks" and even a few e-mails, all with guys who were interested.

To be fair, about 40 percent of those guys I was actually also interested in, but hey, a girl likes a self-esteem boost every now and again. Except when creepy 45-year-old guys send you a double entendre e-mail or guys e-mail asking if you think they're cute (most of the time, they're not).

And every day, I open up my e-mail to find a few more winks or e-mails from other guys that seem to find me interesting. I mean, it's flattering but also overwhelming. At one point, I almost said, "good lord not another one."

I know, beggars can't be choosers.

But now two of the guys I've exchanged very casual e-mails with want to meet in person! After only an e-mail? I know it's more of a "job interview" meet up but still, so soon?

Here is where I'm torn. I'm curious to meet them too, but wonder if they are a possible "Craigslist" copy-cat killer, only on Match.com or how I bail if they turn out to be a) not as cute in person or b) not interesting.

Do I expect they will pay for the drink we're meeting up for? Well, one guy said he doesn't believe men should always have to make the first move, so I'll guess that we'll be going Dutch on that one.

What do you all think? Should I take a chance and meet them for a drink, or is it too much too soon? Personally, I think a few more e-mails might not hurt, but I might be overthinking this one.

Defining my taste in men

I am a total prep at heart. I love JCrew, argyle, bright colors, cardigans and sweater vests. I'm one step away from a polo match and having a friend named "Muffy."

So it is likely no shock that the kind of man I'm attracted to is a preppy, clean-cut, Republican-looking (I said looking) man.

Some co-workers tease me about my taste in men, describing it as "clean." I'm not quite sure what that means but personal hygiene is important to me.

I've mentioned on here that the image of Hugh Jackman shirtless in Australia (mediocre movie) and in a tux at the Oscars made my heart flutter because, well who doesn't like a big, strong man dressed up or with his shirt off?

Good lord look at those arms!

Heart, flutter, flutter

Of my immediate co-workers, I'm the only one who isn't attracted to the rocker types, so hearing about leather vests and rock n' roll doesn't appeal to me. But I nod along when they gush about it, and saying "agree to disagree" when they ask if I think certain men are attractive. I can be supportive, even if I don't play for that team :)

I was attracted to Brandon over Dylan, Dawson over Pacey and find Nathan more attractive than Lucas.

No, I'll take my frat boy, early Abercrombie-looking man any day. I'd rather see a guy fill out a polo shirt rather than a pair of leather pants (unless it's Hugh Jackman) and talk politics and pop culture over a lovely Chardonnay or Savignon.

Yes that might have made me sound a little douche-baggy but I like my clean-cut boys with briefcases and polished look. Sighhhhhhhh. Actually, a guy in a dress shirt and khaki's gets my pulse racing.

But there is one preppy bad-boy that makes my heart swoon, Chuck Bass. It's the best of both worlds, prep glamour (and bold fashion choices) along with bad-boy mystique.

There is something about his bad-boy ways and philandering that I find irresistible. And I don't know why.

Oh Chuck Bass, call me, we'll shop Brooks Brothers before you take advantage of me in your penthouse.

So are you more of a "bad boy" or "All-American" kind of woman? Or guys, are you a Betty or Veronica kind of guy? And feel free to let me know where you fall on the Dylan/Brandon, Nathan/Lucas, Dawson/Pacey scale too.

Key learnings, Chicago spring and salon sanctuary

Happy Sunday! I'm looking outside my apartment right now to...rain, which is a much different scene from Friday and Saturday when it was gorgeous and sunny in Chicago. But according to the Trib Web site, next weekend will be great too, so while I'm daydreaming of that, let's check out some key learnings.

Key Learnings:

• If wearing a Snuggie for a bar crawl, a belt and pins in the back make it much more figure flattering

• I am not afraid to verbally declare my love for something. For example: at my friend's birthday party, I yelled out loud, "I f*cking love potato salad!" (I do)

• Bad tasting icing can kill the taste of any cupcake

• Once warm weather hits, the desire to eat ice cream all the time returns

• 70 degrees in April is not the same as 70 degrees in June, don't get too overzealous with the spring clothing

• Searching for condos is time consuming

• Developing an online dating profile is surprising challenging, especially if done late at night

• If your salon offers a complimentary glass of wine, it is rude not to accept it, even if your appointment is at 11 a.m.

• I really hate cleaning the bathroom. Almost as much as I hate cleaning the kitchen

• The Kia commercial with hamsters on a wheel really cracks me up. I can SO relate to those hamsters

Salon sanctuary

This weekend I went to the salon and I so needed it. My hair grows like a tree so I'm in for color/cut every other month and I delayed this visit by two weeks so my hair was dying to be cut off. During the height of poverty, I cut my hair every six months, but I can't do that anymore.

I love the salon I go to in Chicago. I've been faithful to my stylist for three years, and that is a huge accomplishment for me. I think the salon is a place of total relaxation. It helps you unwind from everything and you feel so much better when you leave.

And along with a complimentary glass of wine, my favorite part about the salon is the scalp massage. A good scalp massage is almost as good as a bucket of cash. Well, almost. I've fallen asleep multiple times in the chair while my scalp is being massaged and I feel much more comfortable paying for my service afterward. Maybe that's part of the master salon plan ;)

Cupcake goodness

After the salon, I treated myself to a cupcake at Phoebe's grand opening. Actually, the first 3,000 people got a free cupcake (even better!) from its assorted flavors. The cupcake I received was a salted caramel flavor and it wasn't too bad. I'm a cupcake traditionalist though, I love chocolate and red velvet and don't get too crazy with cupcake flavors. But when it opens next week, I'll be there to sample both.

Here's a picture of my cupcake (not a great photo) and the cute card I received with it.

Spring blooms

So I take way too many photos of flowers, but here's a photo I took this weekend to help everyone think spring. When the sun is out, all of my photos turn out 100 percent better.

How was everyone else's weekend? Do anything fun or see any movies? Or was the weather nice by you too?

Being the single girl at a wedding

Despite being a social person, I hate going to events alone. I have a tendency to be the awkward girl lingering by the door, frantically texting or scanning the crowd for a familiar face.

Which is why I'm a little nervous about going single to a wedding this weekend. I've been single at weddings before, but I always brought a guest with me. 

But this time, I decided to go on my own after talking/begging two guy friends to go with me, only to have one turn me down and the other to conveniently be out of town. Asshats. However, after talking to two co-workers who will also be there single, I decided to be bold and go on my own. Oh it's Ladies Night for us.

But despite being single, independent women at this lovely wedding, I can't help but feel a little nervous, considering I only know a handful of people that will be there.

Here's what I'm not looking forward to about being single at a wedding:

• The stares. The oh-you're-so-brave-and-independent-so-we-won't-talk-about-it stares with silent judging and nods of encouragement

• Pressure. The inevitable, lingering pressure to hook up or keep yourself open to finding "the one" at the open bar or buffet table

• Slow songs. It's like being back at a high school dance, but without a date. Which means during slow songs I'll be saddled up to the bar, swearing like a trucker and dreaming of a cigarette

• Bouquet toss. I don't know if the couple is actually doing it, but I've never caught one, yet don't want to look too desperate in reaching for it to see what sucker catches the garter

To overcompensate for these things, I've spent a painful amount of time picking out an outfit, to dress up the fact that I will be drinking heavily to feel more comfortable.

Maybe if I look good with the "girls" and my other single ladies, this won't be too bad. It's an evening wedding so I'm even planning to trying to hit up the gym earlier in the day so the "gun show" is locked and loaded for the evening.

Oh and since there will be a candy bar, I need to stuff Ziploc bags in my purse for treats to take home. Yes, you heard me right. I will be munching on candied apple slices and M&Ms on the bus ride home.

So how have you survived weddings that you've gone solo to, or what things bother you the most about weddings? From cash bar to bad food to awful music?

Online dating turnoffs

I'm still relatively new to online dating but I can share with you a few things I have seen that, well, help me decide whether or not I should close the match.

Now before you think I'm a bad person, I still read the person's profile to see if I can move past these things, but I can guarantee you, these things are a sign.

So here we go, a list of my online dating turnoffs:

• Wearing a shirt that says "I like hot moms" in the profile picture

• Talking openly about enjoying the "swinging" lifestyle

• Multiple pictures of the guy with his shirt off (and the view isn't good)

• Pictures of guys flexing in a mirror and/or weight lifting

• Guys cuddling with their cats or multiple pictures of them with pets (I won't be able to compete with that)

• Saying they don't have kids in one part of the profile but mentioning that actually do have kids later on

• Commenting that they are "brutally honest with women" and that women "might not like what [they] have to say"

• Saying they care about a women's physical fitness when they don't take care of themselves (I'm not a trophy, unless you're the Sugar Daddy)

• Continuously asking a woman how she feels about "traditional gender roles"

• Stressing that sex is the most important thing in a relationship. Isn't that an added bonus?

Yes, there are some characters out there. Again, some of these are more of a dealbreaker than others.

And speaking of a dealbreaker boys, I would not be upset if you closed a match with me based on the below picture. Yes, I'm rocking that blue Snuggie and it's very unflattering.

What would be your biggest dating turn offs when you meet a guy?

How do you define cheating?

I am a pretty forgiving person, but I am pretty cut and dry on the topic of cheating.

Cheating is something I do not tolerate. Call me unforgiving and rigid, but I have more experience with cheating than I want to, so this has shaped my opinion on the topic.

In my experience: If you're really happy in your relationship, you don't cheat.

When my ex-boyfriend admitted he cheated on me - to help his conscience feel better - I asked why he would do this, especially because I thought we were happy. And he said, "if I had everything I wanted, I wouldn't have had to look elsewhere." Yes. He was a winner.

But some of my guys friends have said, "what do you define as cheating?" And let's look beyond the whole Road Trip movie definition of cheating, being in separate area codes, etc.

Is kissing cheating? Especially if it happens in a bar while intoxicated? You might not have knowingly done it otherwise so it shouldn't count right?

Hmmm, that's a tough sell. It may be misguided but "in vino veritas" has some truth to it. Usually, if I've had too much to drink, I may misbehave but it's because my actions have some element of truth to them. Especially when it comes to guys.

I'm not saying you have to be a saint and never look at another man or woman again, but I almost have to agree with my ex, if you're really happy, you don't cheat, in any way. I also firmly believe in trust in a relationship too and cheating betrays that fundamental trust. Honestly, I don't know if I could ever trust my boyfriend again if he cheated.

For girls, I also adhere very well to the rule of "not dating a friend's ex." I fear I might be one of the few that still do this too after two former friends dated two of my separate exes and told me to "get over it." Maybe this is a bigger issue of attracting the wrong kind of people to me as friends/boyfriends.

I really enjoyed the feedback to my post about living together before marriage so I'm very curious to hear everyone's thoughts about this topic too.

Could you forgive cheating, or have you in the past? If you did cheat, did you tell your boyfriend/girlfriend? Or would you date your friend's ex? Is there ever a gray area in that issue?

The sweetest sin? Living in it

I am a sinner and one sin I strongly believe in is living in it before marriage. 

This topic came up this weekend and I love hearing people's feedback on it, especially because I'm so pro-premarital cohabitation. And as a child of divorced parents, I think living with a guy before marriage is important. Okay, maybe my guy and I would have to be engaged first, but either way, we're living under one roof before we say "I do." And being on that side of the issue makes my friends rationale against it so interesting.

For example, a friend of mine who got married a while ago worried that not living with her now-husband before marriage would be a tough adjustment. When I asked her if she could get over any little quirks that irritated her about him, she said, "we'll have to work out any disagreements because divorce isn't an option." 

Okay, that might be a little extreme, but dating someone and living with them are two very different things. And from first-hand experience, it can be a huge adjustment for both parties. I would rather deal with any issues right away, rather than letting then pretending it rolls off my back. And for some reason, the idea of not living together before marriage seems a little old fashioned? Not in a bad way, but just surprising. 

So what about everyone else? Would you or did you live with your spouse before you got married? And if you did or didn't, would you do go back and do things differently?

My introduction to tongue action

Mind out of the gutter. The 20sb January blog carnival topic is first kisses and I would love to share with everyone the story about the first time a man's lips collided with mine.

I was a late bloomer in high school and my senior year was like the pinnacle in my high school career. I wasn't as awkward around people, started dressing in more flattering clothes, got contacts and embraced my big boobs. 

Despite these changes, I was also a huge debate geek and participated in competitions on weekends in spring. And my senior year debate season was the best year, partially because it introduced me to my first kiss, Ben.

Ben was a year younger than me and loved tweed jackets with elbow patches. He was my high school dream boy. He had glasses and Blagojevich-like hair and he thought I was "intriguing." On our Valentine's Day weekend debate, we shared nachos and hot dogs during a competition break and he casually asked if I had a boyfriend. When I said no, he quickly responded, "oh yeah me either, I don't have a girlfriend." This was followed by five minutes of awkward silence and bashful glances.

A week later, we went out on our first actual date (and my official first date with a guy) and saw a movie, chastely holding hands  at the theater. When he drove me home, he was a gentleman and walked me to the door, giggling with me and holding my hand. But because this was my first real date, I had no idea how it was supposed to end. Hug? Kiss? Was I that kind of girl? 

Like a lady, I said thank you for the movie and went in for a hug (because he wasn't leading) and he swooped in like an eagle going for the fish and kissed me right on the lips. Shocked for a moment, the first thought in my head was...that's it? That's what a kiss with a guy is? Fast and quick and a total surprise? Confused, I leaned in for another one, which he again used as a chance to peck at me like a bird, but this time he lingered on me to jam his tongue in there. But before that could happen, I pulled away, thanking him again and going inside.

I watched him drive away and felt this rush of...nervous excitement. A good guy liked me and kissed me and thought I was interesting and special. And I ran as fast as I could to my room to scream in excitement in my pillow, kicking my legs like an Olympic swimmer.

So the first kiss wasn't bad, but I always panic a little when guys swoop in for it. Ease in there, I'm not a fish that's going to get away.

How was everyone else's first kiss? Do you remember it as vividly? Was your first kiss any better or worse?

Key Learnings and hot man bus fail

Since I'm one of the few people I know without HBO, I couldn't watch the Obama We are One concert today (sniff sniff) so I'm relaxing after a nice dinner with friends and preparing for work tomorrow (even though our office is closed.) Oh and I need to bring out my Obama buttons for Tuesday too!

So to help delay me from doing something productive, let's bask in some key learnings together.

Key Learnings:

• Friday fish fries are the perfect way to close a long week

• Tequila served out of a plastic test tube will make you feel like throwing up

• Beer tastes good but can give you a wicked headache the next day (not good)

• When smuggling in candy to a movie theater, avoid food that makes too much noise when opening it so you don't draw attention to yourself

• There are some ugly fur coats on Michigan Avenue

• Grocery shopping when hungry is a bad idea

• Don't sit next to the man rocking back and forth in his seat on the bus, you never know what he'll do next

• Even if a guy says, "This may not come out right but I mean it as a compliment," whatever he says next will be mean

• Telling a woman she's wearing a "grandma sweater" is not a good conversation starter, same with telling her friend that she looks like a lesbian cartoon character

• Beer + good 80s music = dance party in public. I love 80s music

• On bitter cold days, CTA bus tracker (which calculates when bus routes will be at your stop) is a godsend

• Friday Night Lights on NBC is one of the best shows on TV. Everyone should watch it and bask in the hotness of Coach Taylor. Meow

Hot man/bus fail

It has been a long time since I saw a guy who was so attractive that I literally couldn't look away. Sure, there are celebs that I think are very attractive, but not in a sense that when you see them, you can't help but stare at them (in a non-creepy way.) The last time I had that feeling was with a guy in Minnesota...which was....several years ago.

I found myself in a "non-creepy stare" situation on Saturday while I was on my way to see Slumdog Millionaire (great movie). I was sitting on the bus, listening to my iPod, when I looked over and saw a guy, maybe around my age, standing near the back exit. And I have to say, he was the most attractive man I've seen in a while. Like, I could not take my eyes off of him because seeing him sparked a little flutter in my chest. Now I wasn't staring at him like a piece of raw meat, but I dare to say, he was semi-tall, dark and handsome.

And in true me fashion, I didn't take a picture (don't have a camera on my work BB) and while trying to tweet/stare at him, he suddenly jumped off the bus near Tiffany's (is that a sign?) and disappeared in the crowd. I actually thought for a moment that I made him up.

So while it was disappointing and a half-fail that I didn't get to wave or say something to him, I have to say that the reminder that a guy can cause the long-thought-dead flutter in my chest to reappear, is a start. And right now, I'll take what I can get.

Photo Sunday:

En route to the movie, I saw the biggest icicle that I've ever seen and, of course, was compelled to take a picture of it. Enjoy!

How was everyone else's weekend. See any good movies or did everyone hibernate because it's "warmer" but not actually warm?

Stamp of parental/friend approval

Were you more scared to introduce your boyfriend/girlfriend to your friends or parents?

I'm thinking about this because eventually, any man I date will be meeting both, but I don't know which meeting concerns me the most. Actually, concerns is a bad word, makes me nervous is a better way to describe it.

My friends aren't scary but they can be a little intimidating and because I've teased them so much about their relationships, I fear what it will be like when it comes back around.

My dad isn't scary either but he's very...reserved and when he gets that way around guys I like and it makes me very uncomfortable because I can see him scrutinizing them with his eyes. Plus, he's only met one boyfriend before and he hated him immediately so I want to make sure I'm serious about a guy before I bring one in front of him.

(This could happen, fortunately our basement isn't that big)

Maybe this opens it up to a bigger question, how important is your parents or friends approval of your boyfriend/girlfriend? 

One of my friends says she doesn't want her boyfriend to ask for her father's permission to propose, and teases that her fiance will meet her parents at the wedding. I joke about it too because I don't like confrontation and I fear that the meeting could go badly, but deep down, my dad's approval of any man I marry is important to me. And of course I want him to get along with my friends because they are a huge part of my life too.

I know this is a random topic for a Thursday, but I have three days of "matches" to review tonight and this weekend so it got me thinking. Fingers crossed Prince Charming is in there.

How does everyone else feel about this topic?

Reminder!

If you are a 20sb member, you can still vote for me for the Last Chance award! Help me continue to close out my twenties in style. You can vote for me here.

Reader note: I was pretty amazed at the Crocs comments from Tuesday's post. Holy cow. There are some real lovers and haters of it. And I know some of you hate Uggs, but I strongly endorse them too. They kept my feet and legs warm in -25 degree wind chills today. Woo! And to answer sjane's question, no I don't wear Crocs while carrying Speedy. I think the fashion gods would strike me down!