I've been known to take candy from children, be unsympathetic when they cry and hiss at them when they're being obnoxious. I even have an old issue of the Redeye at my desk with the cover title, "No Way Baby!" And once while babysitting, a kid told me she didn't want to do chores because "she doesn't like to work," so I dragged her and her sister outside in the cool weather anyhow (with jackets on) to pick up sticks at 10 cents an hour. They earned their 40 cents that day, and I made sure to stick around to supervise and point out areas they were slacking in collecting them.
This sounds mean, I know, but I bring this up because I found out my college roommate from Minnesota is pregnant and it was quite a shock to my system. Outside of my knitting Yoda Amanda, this is my second friend having a kid and it's a lot to take in, so couple this with my brother getting married, and I'm reaching for the paper bag. At 28, I don't so much hear the biological clock ticking, but I almost want to tap it to see if there's even one in there, or if the batteries died awhile ago.
Should I choose to have kids (which will first require a mate), it'll be a bit more difficult for me anyhow because of an ovarian cyst I had in college. I don't like to talk about it very much because it went from "well it doesn't look cancerous" to "we need to take you into surgery now." So I'm sure that experience just seeded in my head that I wouldn't want to have kids anyhow because I'm one fallopian-tube deficient.
So why don't I think I'm mother-material? That list is pretty simple:
- I'm selfish (I really am, I like doing what I want, when I want)
- I can barely take care of myself (what I constitute as dinner would horrify some)
- I'm not the most patient and tolerant person (I have a short temper about things)
- I don't know how to relate to kids (why can't they watch the Colbert Report with me and understand the jokes??)
All good reasons why I would not make a good mom. But this weekend while at Yoda Amanda's birthday party, I saw her nearly 6-month-old daughter Ada and all it took was this look.....
And I couldn't wait to hold her and hug her and kiss her soft cheeks until she cried for me to stop. So maybe I'm not mother-material now, at a selfish 28, but I know I can't resist a look like the one above anytime. Maybe next year I'll be a bit more mature.