I've been known to take candy from children, be unsympathetic when they cry and hiss at them when they're being obnoxious. I even have an old issue of the Redeye at my desk with the cover title, "No Way Baby!" And once while babysitting, a kid told me she didn't want to do chores because "she doesn't like to work," so I dragged her and her sister outside in the cool weather anyhow (with jackets on) to pick up sticks at 10 cents an hour. They earned their 40 cents that day, and I made sure to stick around to supervise and point out areas they were slacking in collecting them.
This sounds mean, I know, but I bring this up because I found out my college roommate from Minnesota is pregnant and it was quite a shock to my system. Outside of my knitting Yoda Amanda, this is my second friend having a kid and it's a lot to take in, so couple this with my brother getting married, and I'm reaching for the paper bag. At 28, I don't so much hear the biological clock ticking, but I almost want to tap it to see if there's even one in there, or if the batteries died awhile ago.
Should I choose to have kids (which will first require a mate), it'll be a bit more difficult for me anyhow because of an ovarian cyst I had in college. I don't like to talk about it very much because it went from "well it doesn't look cancerous" to "we need to take you into surgery now." So I'm sure that experience just seeded in my head that I wouldn't want to have kids anyhow because I'm one fallopian-tube deficient.
So why don't I think I'm mother-material? That list is pretty simple:
- I'm selfish (I really am, I like doing what I want, when I want)
- I can barely take care of myself (what I constitute as dinner would horrify some)
- I'm not the most patient and tolerant person (I have a short temper about things)
- I don't know how to relate to kids (why can't they watch the Colbert Report with me and understand the jokes??)
All good reasons why I would not make a good mom. But this weekend while at Yoda Amanda's birthday party, I saw her nearly 6-month-old daughter Ada and all it took was this look.....
And I couldn't wait to hold her and hug her and kiss her soft cheeks until she cried for me to stop. So maybe I'm not mother-material now, at a selfish 28, but I know I can't resist a look like the one above anytime. Maybe next year I'll be a bit more mature.
25 comments:
I often think about whether or not I would be a good parent or if I even want to have children but then when I see someone I'm close to holding their child, I do feel a little pang of desire. We'll see though...
I love your lists! Don't feel bad about your clock not clicking fast enough. Wouldn't you rather just wait until your good and ready, instead of resenting the poor child?! That's what I keep telling myself, plus there is a lot I need to take care of on my own before I have any baggage like that. For now, I'm content babysitting. But not very often.
I think pregnancy grows a lot of women up (not all, though--there ARE bad mothers). Like, BAM, a woman gets pregnant and automatically goes into Baby Mode. Who knows? You might be like that.
With society being what it is we need more moms with your "tough love" style. Holding your kid's hand never helps in the long run. I love my daughter and I am not perfect in raising her, but I would like to think that at the end of the day she won't be one of those kids that stays at home and does nothing with their lives and doesn't appreciate anything. (My mother-in-law told my brother-in-law that he "wasn't college material" so he could live in their basement....it makes my blood boil!) So if you do decide to have kids don't think your present attitude will hinder you, it will probably help.
i love kids but i also hate negligent/inattentive parents (i see more and more of them every weekend at work) which makes me "dislike" the children.
i can't wait to have babies. i'll be a tough love momma like you!
and don't worry about your biological clock, every woman is different :-)
I don't think I am mother material either. I like kids and enjoy spending time with them, but its always nice to give them back after I've had my fill of them or when they pooped their pants. I love my independance and just being able to come and go as I please. That could change as I get older, I suppose. Not hearing the ol' biological clock at the moment.
my mom was down one fallopian tube after an ectopic pregnancy and she still had my brother. so don't worry so much about that.
also, a woman in my building had her kid on a leash the other day when I was coming home. can we discuss that as parenting??!!
I love kids, but even I get so frustrated with them, especially other people's kids when they screw them up because they use such crazy parenting techniques!
It will be different when it is your own, it will just kick-in.
So I am told anyway!! :)
I don't know whether I'd ever like to try and have children, but right now I'm very much enjoying being able to do what I want, where I want and with whom without having to take any children into account. My biological clock has not shown any signs of existence so far either.
I know I'm not mother material. Like I'm 100000% positive. I just want to treat them like adults no matter what age they are.
DUDE! I'm convinced that life is just one long string of uncertain decisions.
How's THAT for optimistic? :)
Seriously, though - I'm with Rachel and few others - tough love is great. Parenting is to get your kids ready to be independent, NOT to bow down to their every wish and pamper their fragile little egos. Is that harsh or WHAT?
That said - I'm 100000% that you could be a fantastic mother. No one is 100% ready - no matter what they say. So, don't write yourself off quite yet, dear!
you are still young! don't worry about having kids now if you don't feel like you are ready..i think the most mature thing is knowing and admitting that you are NOT ready to have one yet! and that is totally fine!!! some people are never ready and that's okay too. if and when you're meant to have children - it'll totally happen.
I love kids. I mean, if I didn't I wouldn't work as a nanny. The best thing about this job though is I get to give them back at the end of the day!
I guess when I have my own, I won't be making $15/hr. That will kind of suck haha
I have the same feelings about my potential maternal talents. My mother SWEARS that a lot of this stuff (selfishness, awkwardness with kids) goes away when they're your own. I am counting on it, because my hormones are RAGIN!
I didn't realize you were also from MN!
I am terrified of having children for a zillion reasons. Will I be a good enough mother? Will we regret it? Will we be ready? Will we be able to afford it? Will my mother in law drive me nuts and try to feed my baby hot dogs behind my back?
Luckily, my husband is content to remain cat parents only for the foreseeable future. We're having a lovely time being selfish twentysomethings--why ruin a good thing?
I guess we both had babies on the brain yesterday!
I think it just clicks with you one day and you feel ready. I'm definitely not at that point yet, but I don't mind being around kids for an afternoon. I can totally act like a 4 year old and crawl around the yard hunting dinosaurs. :)
Damn those babies and their cute faces. My family regards me as "not a kid person." We all know I'm not ready for one, but what they don't know is that I secretly love babies. I coo and ahh with the best of em! As long as I don't have to take them home with me just yet, I'm happy.
I've totally been there before. I was never sure all through college that I wouldn't want kids (for selfishness reasons mostly). But then I lived with my sister and my 1 year old nephew for a year and knew immediately I had to have a couple on my own.
I've never been overly fond of babies because I've never really been around them, and for that reason they are scary. Being around my best friend's little guy for the last 15 months has enlightened me to the "it's different when they're your own" thing, so there might be a chance that I won't entirely suck at mommyhood.
However, I don't think my biological clock will really start ticking until the right guy winds it up. That's what I'm hoping for.
don't we all feel this way?? i go from showing the same amount of affection and adoration for a baby to drooling over an insanely cute pair of shoes. soo normal and will definetly change once you have a human being calling you "momma."
p.s. I literally just stumbled upon your site from kay's. and can I gush? I LOVE it. I also just subscribed and trying to catch up, so forgive me!
Thanks for your honesty, this is a great way of putting it. I think a lot of women in their late twenties feel the same.
A couple of years ago a friend of mine had a really good laugh imagining me as a mother. Even though I wasn't even thinking about having children, that made me really sad, because I hope that mothering is something that comes upon you when you have your first baby, you make mistakes and you learn and somehow it comes together. I guess we'll see!
Mama Yoda here...
As expensive as babies are, Jess would either have to marry a true sugar daddy or give up her expensive purse habit - hmmm, both are doubtful but the sugar daddy is more promising. :) ay
It seems there has been a veritable baby explosion in my world lately-- thanks Facebook for letting me know about this. Seriously, this week I found out about two more pregnancies.
But, yeah, I'm so not ready. Although I'm beginning to wonder if I'm ever gonna be 100% ready.
And, PS, yes, I'm gonna be there at the Friday blogger drinking extravaganza! What a weird coincidence that we just started reading each other's blogs before we were scheduled to meet!
I have a draft blog about this very subject. Although I have changed my view a tad bit its pretty much "Nope.. I will not make a good mother"
I think we all change with time. Ya never know.
I hear you. Sometimes I wonder if I am selfless enough to give my free time over to a helpless human. I think of all the free time and zero obligations I have now...could I handle having to plan every single day around another human being?
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