Dear Jess' skin -
Hi, how are you? You've been looking pretty good lately, clear and soft from this new body lotion I know you were trying. Keep it up!
Unfortunately, I'm writing today because you're killing my soul. I know, that might have been harsh but seriously, you are. It's summer and Sunday you really dropped the ball when I went for my walk and was enjoying my Bobtail outside with Chicago magazine. I was only out for like, two hours at the most, and you burn like a little b*tch? What's up with that?
Now I know you're upset that I only put the sunscreen on my face, but you know how sensitive that skin is and how I feel about a sunburned face so really that shouldn't be a surprise. If you decided to let my shoulders and back-of-the-neck get burned to get back at me, that's not cool.
I know you don't like it when dad and just about everyone else teases you about being so pale and not enjoying tanning, but we need to stick together on this. So if you were retaliating, I want you to know that you caught my attention and made me mad. I'm listening to you so let's schedule a time to talk about how we're going to get through the rest of the season because the weather appears to be staying nice.
Have your people call my people for lunch.
As you might have gathered from the above post, the weather was really nice here this weekend and thus, I got sunburned because I'm so fair skinned. Seriously, the sun hates me.
But that's not what I want to focus on, now that it's nice out, I need to address a serious issue in the city and my neighborhood - summer self-esteem. This is a big issue when the weather gets nice here because everyone is out and not in the most appropriate clothing for public. Whatever you wear at home is totally fine, especially if you live alone because you don't have to worry about anyone else seeing you. I get it, it's hot, you need to cool off, no biggie.
Self-esteem is a great thing but sometimes you need to rein it in a bit because it's just a bit too out of control. I amend this rule come August when it's so ungodly hot that you do whatever you have to do to stay cool. So judgement will lapse then.
But when you're in public, there are a few things to keep in mind for your fellow (wo)man on the sidewalk.
Below is a list of common summer fashion offenses:
- Badly fitting sandals - hint: if your heel is hanging off the back of the shoe, it doesn't fit
- Inappropriate cleavage - I know it's fun and here to stay, but don't let it all "hang out." Trust me, I'll try to throw food in there
- Too much bra-exposure - this goes back to the cleavage point, I know you wear a bra, you don't have to prove it or show it to me. I'm not that kind of girl
- Lack of bra - the flip side to the above. I know it's warm but I don't need to see you flopping around like a fish
- CWI's - They shouldn't be showing in summer or any other season. Tape 'em down or make sure your bra has a good lining
- Smoldering sausage - form-fitting clothes are okay, especially for curvy girls in summer (because flouncy tops suck) but you shouldn't be muffin-topping out of that outfit. It just might not fit anymore, it's sad but you have to let it go
- Short-shorts and bra tops - This infraction comes in if you're not a) bone-thin or b) size 0. Sometimes you just can't wear certain styles, it's not your fault. Blame your parents and their genes. And yes, people are staring at you
So those are some summer fashion-infractions. If I'm missing anything, please let me know so I can add it to the list with proper attribution.