Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Dating "deal breakers"

My friend Sarah once told me that I have "too high of standards" with guys. Personally, I disagree.

My core standards with guys are actually pretty common (I think):
  • Has a job that isn't illegal

  • Has job aspirations or goals

  • Is financially-stable

Are these really too high of standards? I don't think so!

But then as friends and I started talking about dating, the subject of "dating deal breakers" came up.

Dating deal breakers are basically traits or quirks of a potential mate that bother you enough that they would cause you to break off the relationship, if necessary. Much like my list above, I thought about the things that really are important to me for any guy I would date and consider marrying.

Sadly, there were several things on that list...but again some of them are traits that I would hope none of my friends would want in a spouse or boyfriend. Some of these deal breakers might be catty but here they are.

Jess' deal breakers:

  • Smoking - I hate it. I'm sorry but the guy would have to quit if he really wants to date me and I would have to clean down his entire house so the smell is gone. Hate it.

  • Multiple tattoos - I don't mind one or two tattoos but if we're talking about "sleeves" or something scratched on his neck or across his stomach (a la "Thug Life"), no thank you.

  • Shorter than me - I am a petite woman, 5' 3" to be exact, so after much thought, I really don't think I can date someone my height or shorter. I love tall guys and honestly, if the guy is my height, he's probably underage, so I can't have him anyhow :)

  • Lack of physical health - This is not meant to be catty but I work out, I'm active and I try to watch what I eat. I don't want a guy who will make me feel bad about myself for not eating organic foods, etc. but I want a guy who also takes care of himself physically. I want tickets to the gun show!

  • No sense of humor - I love to laugh and I'm told I have a good sense of humor myself so someone who can make me laugh (which doesn't take much) and who enjoys laughing is important too.

  • Doesn't verbally abuse me - I can't imagine someone who likes being told awful things about themself, like being fat, ugly, etc. so I don't want that either!
So that's my list and to be fair, it's included these quirks for a long time so it's not like I've been adding things on over the years, this is a standard list for me.

Maybe this is why I'm single ;) But the core standards still apply. Last thing I need is to be featured on COPS for my boyfriend selling drugs out of my apartment. That "night vision" light is also unflattering on my skin. Never a good thing.

24 comments:

thegoodnamesaretaken said...

I've also been told my standards are too high. Your list doesn't seem too picky though, at least not to me. Better to be single than unhappy and attached. Plus, you're right, night vision isn't flattering at all! :)

Erin said...

My standards are extremely high. I also happen to be married to a fantastic guy who makes my lunches every single day, cooks dinner, and laughs with me non-stop. Good men are out there...don't settle!

deutlich said...

I think your list is very reasonable. I do love me some tattoo sleeves, though.

::rowr::

Tipp said...

Your standards are not too high!

Hilarious, but not too much!

Rachel said...

I totally have someone for you if he does end up single!

You totally feel comfortable going on blind dates recommended by a girl you have never met, right?

Rachel said...

last I heard his girlfriend was going a little wacko on him so I don't know if it worked out

tiedtogetherwithasmile said...

Thanks for the advice...I think time is exactly what we need.

This post just got me hooked on your blog all of your deal breakers are mine too! I HATE smokers!

Angela said...

I don't think your standards are too high. I agree with jus about everything you said. And there are PLENTY of guys that fit the bill. Are your friends just dating losers? lol

Cara said...

i am offically hooked on your blog. thanks for the great posts! :)

cara-anne.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Once again, I must say your standards are not too high. However, I hope halitosis and felony convictions are added to your list soon...you can never be too careful about bad breath or high crimes!! :)

L Sass said...

I think those are all reasonable standards to have! Although, you may just find a great guy with multiple tattoos and learn to live with it, you never know.

I never thought I'd ever end up with someone who doesn't like to read... AS definitely doesn't, but the good far, far outweighs what I once thought was a dealbreaker. If there is a reason to make a dealbreaker NOT a dealbreaker, you'll know it!

carrie lea said...

I think your deal breakers are totally reasonable! They are totally my deal breakers too, although once I dated a dude with a ton of tatoos (one even said "God Bless My Child Tayden" with a the baby's portrait, not to mention his T-Pain-esque dread locks) But I think it's necessary to have high standards, no girl should have to settle for someone icky, or be forced to change someone, because you know that never lasts!

Jenn said...

I don't think your standards are too high. We share some of the same deal breakers. I'd have to add "never moving to Iceland" to my list.

megkathleen said...

Definitely reasonable! Plus it's worth it too hold out. You'll find the perfect guy and then all your friends will wish they had high standards too.

lifeintheleftlane said...

I thought everyone wanted to be on TV! COPS is a great jump off! ;)

I don't think your standards are too high. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to date a tatted up smoker.

jenniferalaine said...

I totally agree. I would only add 2 things: First, that he was straight. Sounds obvious, but still - I want to get that established PRONTO. And second, he can't be too self-deprecating. It's annoying when men constantly put themselves down in the hopes that you'll build them back up!

RebeccaC said...

Love the list and thinks its pretty valid. However, I want to point out that sometimes you've got to be prepared to break a few of your own rules or you might end up missing out on the "right" one. My JiT smoked like a chimney when we met and was a large part of why it took my 9 mo to come around to the idea of dating him. I took a huge leap of faith that it would work itself out without me trying to change him. And what do you know...after 3 months of dating he decided on his own to quit. Cold turkey. That was 3 years ago and he's still smoke free. And I'm SOOOO glad I didn't take a pass on the man of my dreams over 1 deal breaker that ended up being not that big of a deal afterall. But maybe I'm just lucky it worked?

Mike said...

My JiT smoked like a chimney when we met and was a large part of why it took my 9 mo to come around to the idea of dating him. I took a huge leap of faith that it would work itself out without me trying to change him. And what do you know...after 3 months of dating he decided on his own to quit. Cold turkey. That was 3 years ago and he's still smoke free. And I'm SOOOO glad I didn't take a pass on the man of my dreams over 1 deal breaker that ended up being not that big of a deal afterall. But maybe I'm just lucky it worked?

Wow, I'd say that's about a one-in-a-million situation right there.

My sister-in-law said she would never get engaged to my brother, let alone marry him, until he quit smoking.

Four years later, they're married with a kid and he's still puffing away.

Stick to your standards. More often than not, what you see is what you get!

redstaplernation said...

Hooray for having standards!

I've dated smokers (not preferred, but I've done it), but I'll raise a paw to the rest of yours and add this:

Must have enough self-esteem to not be intimidated by me

jesslovesnyc said...

I don't think your list is too much to ask for at all! In fact, I'm pretty much looking for a very similar man. :) (Although I don't mind an occasional smoker (like 1-2 cigarettes a wknd at the most), although I think I do prefer a non-smoker.)

~Angela~ said...

I think smoking is about the most disgusting act that you witness people do on a regular basis. Despite this, I once dated a smoker. To be fair, he was a rebound... But I was sort of disappointed in myself that it WASN'T a deal breaker.

Maxie said...

I dont think that's too bad-- my standards are high in the way that I have to actually like someones personality and find them interesting to even consider dating them... I know that it doesn't sound like it's a lot but I guess when it comes down to it a lot of people are just... boring.

Heidi Renée said...

A boyfriend was visiting me at my dorm room once, and wanted to go outside to have a cigarette. I told him that if he went out to smoke, I wouldn't let him back in the building, so he would have to choose: his cigarettes or me. He chose the cigarettes. I have never been more proud of myself for taking a stand than I was that day.

distractedspunk said...

I want tickets to the gun show too!

First time commenter, and I adore your blog. Also, I think you and I have lots in common. Are you my alter ego?