Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Bad holiday behavior

I love the holidays, but I've been known to misbehave on them. I've mentioned before that I don't like to share, but another one of my bad traits is that I'm a jealous person. I don't like it when things that are mine are taken away or when competition comes in.

So I can painfully admit that most of my bad Christmas behavior stems from jealousy and my misguided ways to act out on it. I'm not someone who will bad mouth you to your face, I'm more the passive aggressive type, who will hide your car keys or do a backhanded compliment. I hate to say that I've even hissed at someone I don't like when they got too close to me. Apparently I was channeling a cat that night.

I thought I would share with you one bad Christmas behavior story that stands out, and that a few friends bring up on occasion.

Every Christmas Day evening, we host my stepmom's family at my parent's house. And every year that we've hosted, I end up horribly drunk and passed out in the basement or in my room because I overserve myself. Being a stepchild, I often feel like I don't fit in with my dad and stepmom, especially with her family. I'm sort of caught in the middle.

These feelings of insecurity, coupled with jealousy of her family and my stepbrother's girlfriend, who my stepmom and her family love, leads me to lash out, usually with champagne.

Two years ago, dressed in a very nicely coordinated outfit, I drank two bottles of champagne (before dinner) and stumbled out into the living room with the guests, practically laying on the couch over my nemesis, the girlfriend. I tried to be polite to her, while poking at her face, thinking that was cute.

When my dad excused me and pulled me off the couch, to "calm down," I ended up finishing off another partial bottle of wine and getting a case of the munchies. That fateful munchie craving lead me to eat, with my bare hands, raw tenderloin, which was going to be cooked for the guests. And that is what dad caught me doing when he came to check on the me and the meat. He caught me eating the raw meat bare handed like an animal.

I can still hear him saying, "Jess! What the hell are you doing?"

And me saying back, "Eating...and now bedtime!"

And then I stumbled upstairs, popped out my contacts and passed out on my bed in my clothes...again.

Fingers crossed I can keep it two years in a row of actually behaving. Oh and I also cannot serve myself liquor at home anymore. Apparently my parents picked up on the pattern of how I got so easily intoxicated.

Reader notes: Thank you everyone for the great comments on yesterday's "moving on" post. I'm glad several of you brought up the media perpetuating the Brad/Jen/Angie "triangle" too because I did forget to add a note like that in the post. I'm definitely Team Aniston, but I think it's time we just let the whole issue drop.

Also, in response to Sunday's post, CWI are "cold weather indicators," basically nipping out, which I was doing at the gym when I waved at Jamie Foxx, who was playing basketball. HOT! And for the make out story, I didn't end up making out with anyone after the holiday party, because when Is said I wanted to make out, the only people around me were female co-workers. And that is not who I was hoping to make out with. Maybe next time I'll say that in a sea of hot men :)

26 comments:

Heidi Renée said...

Oh my god, you must have been way drunk to gnaw on the raw meat.

I was totally going to ask what CWI meant, but decided not to because I figured it was some sort of blog-girl slang that I should already know. Glad I'm not the only one who wasn't sure.

Also, I hiss at my cats when they are behaving badly. They always look very taken aback when I do it.

Caz said...

Wow! I can't say I've ever been drunk enough to eat raw meat!

But I do have a terribly embarassing story about being drunk infront of the family. It wasn't even funny. Just embarassing. Perhaps I'll blog about it later.

Mandy said...

Ugh, I've been really drunk, but never drunk enough to eat raw meat. I do tend to drink more, a lot more, when my stepsiblings are around.

Blaez said...

i can honestly say i don't have any real bad holiday behaviors.

and joe wont let me alone ...gottna go...will write later...

Melissa said...

Hahah you crack me up. Raw meat!? That's a whole new kinda drunk.

Susan said...

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Angela said...

Ew. I'm really glad you didn't get e. coli. That would have been nasty.

Vanessa said...

I have been drunk, but make it a point to never overserve myself around family. Just gives them more ammo against me. Here's to a better holiday visit! Gawd knows I need it too.

Mega said...

Go get em Tiger

Blaez said...

ok --i'm back. sorry for earlier, men are strange creatures...

Yea, I don't recall any bad holiday behaviors beside over indulging in food... my family doesn't drink (Ministers/Preachers) so that's never an option.

Yea, over indulging on the sweets and the food.

But I'm feeling you on the feeling on the whole stepchild thing. when my father got remarried i felt like my whole life was going downhill. its taken a few years --but we're a big ole happy family now!

SA said...

I'm sorry you use to feel that way. I hope your family has made you feel more included in the group since then.

And...wow, raw meat? It's stories like yours that make me afraid of drinking, even just a little. At least you took out the contacts.

LBluca77 said...

HAHAHA Oh god that is so funny. I can't believe you were eating raw meat. I do feel better about that fact that I have eaten an entire package of bacon now.

I hope you behave this year, but if you don't I look forward to the blog post.

Maki said...

Raw meat is kind of gross. You would be the last person to eat it usually - the power of alcohol amazes me.

I always adore how honest you are when you write your blog.

Good luck with Christmas - make sure don't drink too much = no raw meat:)

dolcechic said...

I'm sorry about your Christmas'. Now that my parents are divorced, I'm glad that my dad is secretive and doesn't tell us who he is with or what have you. Yeah it pisses me off, but at the same time, my worst fear is having a step mom. I don't want to offend anyone, because I'm sure there are some good ones out there, but I have the best mom in the world who nobody can compete with...and I don't need another mother figure in my life. You have an open invitation here....we can get drunk, sing karaoke and find hot guys to make out with! =)

S. said...

Ah sweet memories from Christmas past...not that one though! That's CrazyTown right ther!

Kyla Bea said...

WOW - That definitely sounds like new heights of drunkenness!

I hope you do have a good, tame holiday this year - and maybe if you don't, next year you could go to Mexico - or say you're going to Mexico! And just give yourself time away from the drama.

Fingers crossed!

Cheryl said...

Yes, I always assumed your declaration that night that you wanted to make out, wasn't a request. Also, I'm now rethinking any compliment you've ever paid me? Was she being snarky when she said she liked me red shirt? ;)

And that, was an awesomely funny story. Getting drunk at home is one thing...not like doing it on a date, like me!

jamie said...

It pisses me off when I write comments and they don't actually post, as just happened here.

What I said, though, was that you and I could really be friends in real life. Um, if I could write about the night I had last weekend at the holiday party for work, I would. But I am too embarassed to relive it. Any of it.

What this means, I think, is that we would make good drinking buddies, so next spring when I am in Chicago....

thatShortChick said...

i'm glad you didn't get sick from the raw meat.

but that's a pretty stellar story. i swear, your life is the makings of an amazing sitcom.

lifeintheleftlane said...

This is quite possibly the funniest/most embarrassing holiday story I've ever heard. Raw meat! Yikes. I love how you were poking your step-bros girlfriend in the face! I can just picture how funny it must have looked!

Katelin said...

oh wow, eating raw meat? that is definitely a first, haha.

jessica said...

Raw meat, now I don't think I have done that before.

However, I choose to get drunk and act out at my in-laws house. I usually get irritated (before we even get there and just at the thought of arrival) and decide, to hell with it I'm getting drunk.

I take this drunken opportunity to be slightly catty (since they are always) and say somewhat rude comments or boast about myself. It is always a bad idea, yet I don't seem to stop.

This Thanksgiving my husband had to pull over as we were driving home late at night from their house, so that I could vomit on the side of the road.

I am a highly classy broad.

Susan said...

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


Susan

http://www.car-insurance-choices.com

Bobbie said...

That is the best drunk holiday story I have ever heard. Awesome! I'm sure it was not a fond memory, but it makes an incredible anecdote. It's funny, I rarely get drunk on Christmas. My sister makes an amazing rum-heavy eggnog, but I always have to drive so far to so many destinations that I must stay sober.

I can relate to the jealousy. I'm that way also. :/

here's to hoping that this year is a fun drunken one, where you eat chocolate instead of raw meat!

PS- Sorry I didn't find you at the Crave Party. I was there not even 15 minutes when I had to go due to a semi-emergency. :(

PomJob said...

Such a funny story. A little sad, but still hilarious. I tend to get a little jealous around the holidays, too. Must be a Jess thing. It usually centers around being the only single one. But we don't generally have alcohol, so my behavior's more bratty than boozy.

G+D said...

Oh. My. God. Jess, this story is priceless!! You poor girl. Good luck this year!