Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The birds on my windowsill must die

In Disney movies, there are always magical birds who befriend the princess, sing along with her, cheer her up and help her get prince charming. As a kid, I wanted to be a Disney princess, complete with my own set of magical birds to wake me every morning.

And now, I do have my own birds, but they are SO not the Disney fairy tale. In fact, they are driving me f*cking crazy.

The ledge outside my bedroom window is a popular gathering place for birds in summer. Why? I have no idea. At first I thought it was kind of charming, having birds greet me when I wake up, but then those little bastards starting singing at 5 a.m. even on weekends and, well they DON'T STOP. 

While I lay in bed, trying to squeeze out the last few minutes of peace before my day starts, those little shits are outside my window, cat calling to each other, or whatever they're doing in bird language.

I won't lie, I can get a little...testy...when I'm woken from a nice slumber, so while birds sing to me early in the morning, I cover my face in my pillow and scream back, "PLEASE FOR THE SWEET LOVE OF GOD SHUT UP!"

They don't understand me. It's almost as if they do it now to purposefully irritate the sh*t out of me.

The other morning, I was woken up early by one in particular that was chirping just outside my screen and I got up and hit the glass, sending him away in fear. Gosh if that works, imagine what will happen when the BB gun or air rifle come out :)

I'll trade the birds for Prince Charming, or the above mentioned gun. Really, I'm not picky, the cosmos can pick for me.

I know it goes with "apartment living" but is it really necessary for birds/car alarms/neighbors to do this to us? What sounds or noises wake you up or keep you up late at night?

36 comments:

Angela said...

I'd say invest in some earplugs. Those buggers can be annoying!

Mandy said...

Earplugs are glorious. I hate birds chirping at the crack of dawn. I also loved this post. It made me laugh out loud and this was my favorite part "And now, I do have my own birds, but they are SO not the Disney fairy tale. In fact, they are driving me f*cking crazy."

Maxie said...

Do you wanna borrow my cat for the weekend? He will go ape shit on them. hahaha

insomniaclolita said...

I think you should borrow Maxie's cat. Or is there any bird trap or what? id be annoyed too!

cavy said...

earplugs and a cat would do the trick. there's a huge basset hound that lives (outside) next door and barks incessantly. and loudly. and growls a lot at the fence. i definitely feel your pain!

A Super Girl said...

My heater makes incredibly loud banging noises that seriously makes me think someone is breaking in when it wakes me up in the middle of the night.

As for your birds, they're a bit like Carrie's roosters in SATC...they lead a very lovely life :-)

Maki said...

I don't use them, but my husband treasures earplugs. He started using when he moved from Tahoe to Honolulu to live with me. He hated the noise; cars and ambulances, etc. He never used them prior to the move, but my sister suggested and they totally shut down the noise around him...

I don't appreciate the noise that are created by drunk neighbors during weekends. I do love though the sound of crickets. Weird?

Susan said...

That sucks.

I've got a guy on the floor below mine that sings his heart out at 3 in the morning. It's like he is practicing for American Idol. From what I can tell he has a pretty good voice too I just don't get why he has to share it at 3 in the morning.

EP said...

My dog could take care of those birds pretty easily. She scares any living creature who comes near our apartment, even though she is just curious about them.

I'm like you, though. I hate being woken up before it's time.

Allie said...

At least that means it's getting warm?

I used to live in Wrigleyville waaay too close to the bars, and I was woken up just about every night by drunk yelling AND/OR sirens. I'm digging the quiet of downtown living.

LJ said...

Ha Ha I have the same prob and my car is parked out underneath them everyday it has fresh bird crap on it! So annoying!
Watch Failure To Launch it will make you feel better!

LBluca77 said...

HAHA This reminds me of the movie Failure to Launch when she was trying to shoot the bird outside her window.

I sleep even in winter with a fan on in my room so I don't hear any noise. Even if someone breaks in, I would rather just sleep through it.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

i used to wake up to my roommates cat, without a doubt the stupid feline would be pawing LOUDLY at my bedroom door at 5:30am.

i hate cats.

Miss Grace said...

Ear plugs. Or a white noise machine.

SA said...

Yeah, either earplugs or a noise machine. After that I dunno. Maybe you could call like a vet or animal shelter to ask them how to stop them from perching on your window. Couldn't hurt, right?

lucklys said...

one thing about pigeons: they hate stepping in sticky things, but i don't know what you could put out there other than fly paper...or glue, but that would dry.

late at night here we have the car alarms, loud mufflers, big trucks idling, and bums rummaging through our recycling. in the morning, it's pretty much the same, but in our apartment, we have a family of sparrows that lives in the fan above our stove. they just crawl inside and sit in there and peep and chirp away starting at 6 or 7 in the morning and don't shut up til noon. how is there that much to talk about?!

Penny said...

I'm a really light sleeper,so most noises bother me.But especially the sound of crickets drive me absolutely mad!Or water dripping in from the showerhead or basin tap.I'm full of crap.

wontletlifedefineme said...

Neighbours... lots and lots of loud neighbours (4 sets of them actually) that keep playing music, shouting, stomping their feet, banging on the railings, putting their tv on at maximum volume in the middle of the night and the same thing with their alarm clocks. It's driving me insane.

By the way, for the birds, for certain types it helps to draw big eyes on a piece of paper and stick it on the window. They'll think it's a predator watching them.

Jen - The Secret Keeper said...

I'm a light sleeper and I hate being woken up before the buzz of the alarm. What about putting something on the window ledge (outside)? Maybe a cut out of a cat? (Ok, so it probably wont work - but it might!) x

Love, Fitness, Money, More said...

Ohh...birds, gah. We used to have that problem when we lived in Chicago. Now, though, we're in a San Fran Suburb that believes it necessary to do street cleaning at 4am on Sunday mornings...WHY?!

sara said...

I'm a very light sleeper so I totally understand. I would try a white noise machine. My son is the reason I usually don't get enough sleep!

Ellegant said...

Hahah, have you ever seen Failure to Launch? Sarah Jessica Parker's roommate in the movie has a bird who chirps and sings all night, which makes her go crazy and she buys a gun to shoot the bird. It's so funny - this completely reminded me of that storyline.

Here's hoping those birds find another window sill!

Lil' Woman said...

Ugh I hated living in my apartment a couple months ago.
We lived above these 2 ghetto lesbians and would be woken up to the sounds of them having loud obnoxious sex every night . I mean full on moaning and head board banging against the wall..seriously a dildo feels THAT good..get the eff out of here..They finally got kicked out.

Ashley D said...

ughhh There are some annoying pigeons outside my window everyday and I want to kill them! I hate birds!

p.s. I tagged you for a blog award!

Maris said...

I had pigeons on my balcony last year.

WORST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE. I got rid of them when my landlord came over and affixed a layer of sharp, pointy nails on the landing over my patio door and those little bastards had not place to sit. HA

thatShortChick said...

birds, I don't mind...except for the freakin woodpeckers. the noise of one of those things going crazy on a tree at 6:45 in the morning is BRUTAL.

Katelin said...

yeah that would drive me insane. ugh.

Megkathleen said...

I'm like you being woken up unnecessarily will drive me batty. Luckily for me it takes a LOT to wake me up. Not enough a couple police cars in the driveway with the sirens going can wake me up.

jess@thehomebound said...

You sound just like Zooey Deschanel's character in some stupid chick flick (think it was failure to launch). She is awesome, so her character was awesome, which makes you awesome too.

Caz said...

Eugh the birds. Seriously.

When I was first in Australia I thought it was really fricken cool that all these "pet store" birds just flew around everywhere in the wild. Mainly Cockatoos.

What I didn't know was that they have the loudest, most grating squawk EVER (think 100x worse then a Crow) and like to fly around in packs of about 5,000 at 5am. Now? I want to shoot them all whenever they wake me up in the morning.

Lily said...

My neighborhood now is pretty quiet, but I went to Marquette for my soph year of college and adjusting to living downtown Milwaukee after being in farmland Minnesota for my freshman year... that was tough at first - sirens EVERY night and loud drunk college kids outside pretty often too. I don't miss that!

lifeintheleftlane said...

It's not just in apartments where these noises keep you up.

My cats frequently wake me up in the middle of the night or early morning. It's annoying, and I should lock them out of the room. But they are so cute when they are sleeping.

Blaez said...

oh i feel your pain... i so feel your pain.

living on the bottom floor/ground level its the mowers/etc that start at the crack of dawn... ack!

Renee said...

you know what? you are LUCKY, the birds here have been waking me up around 330am every morning all summer long, i don't know what happened this year, this never bothered me before in 5 years of living here, i figured out i would have to go to bed at about 8pm to get sleep and my life back, which is near impossible, right now I usually go to sleep around 1 or 2am, and a bazooka is what I am dreaming about, anyone know where to get one????

IAMTARA said...

yup, I'm having the same problem. There's this mockingbird and it just won't shut up. I think it's blind because when I went to bed at 10pm, it was still singing. Well, for some odd reason I woke up at 3am and the annoying bird was singing. And now a robin and cardinal have decided to join in so I have three birds bugging the hell out of me. DX

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