The "joys" of being petite

I'm 5' 3", which means just about everyone is taller than me and the first comment I usually hear from people is, "geez you're short."

Thank you, I didn't know that. 

Please don't pat my head when you say that. I bite.

My petite frame makes high heels a painful necessity but makes my attraction to taller men stronger. There's something about taller guys I like...a lot.

A friend once asked if I would date a guy shorter than me and I replied, "is he even legal?" Most people shorter than me are under the age of 18 or haven't hit puberty yet. And to answer your question, yes he was shorter than me and he was my age. I just can't do that.

I'm also the shortest female in my family. My family genes mock me by giving my other family members the height gene, but I like to think I scored higher on the intelligence scale ;)

My parents comment that I'm little too. So I politely told my dad that since he helped make me, maybe he have talked to his sperm about making that height gene a little more dominant. Gross. I know. I makes me sick too after I said it. *shudder*

Sadly, I do wish I was a little bit taller for a few reasons:

• I don't have to stand on a chair to reach just about everything

• No more "petite" length pants or constant alterations

• I can wear flats all the time!

• I don't have to sit in down in the front of pictures with the kids

• When I hug my tall friends, my arms will wrap around them above their waist (it looks creepy)

• The "short" jokes/comments/jabs can end

But there is one thing I do like about being petite, when my dad says, "good things come in small packages," I can always reply, "yes I do!"

I remember from the high heels post that many of you commented that you're also petite or fortunate enough to be tall. What do you love or hate about your height. And no mean jokes please!

Reader note: Thank you everyone for the awesome feedback and comments about my second attempt at online dating. I will definitely keep everyone posted on my progress :)

Body problem areas

We all have them. And now that it's spring and I'm wearing considerable less clothing, I am noticing mine more.

It's easy to cover up the problem in winter. In fact, it's simple math: layer 1 + layer 2 + coat = warmth and any body problems solved.

But now that it's warm and sweaters are replaced with tank tops and heavy pants are replaced with skirts, I'm noticing where all that "comfort food" from winter hid itself during the cold months.

Overall, I'm not unhappy with how I look, but despite my four times a week trips to the gym, I always zero-in on my thighs and stomach, which are my two main problem areas.

I actually do everything I can to hide them because I obsess about them so much.

And, it's sad how much I let them bother me. I count calories and work out regularly to hopefully make them shrink, over-analyze my clothes to see what covers them best and I will only by certain clothing styles if I know they will boost my self esteem for these parts. 

Ever since my stomach problem earlier this year, I am hyper sensitive about it. I scrutinize it daily and sometimes feel like crying when a pair of pants makes it look bigger or a belt makes the "spare tire" look funny.

And those thighs, no thank you to shorter skirts or anything too far above the knee. My stomach and thigh issues have even forced me to wear a cotton skirt over my swimsuit so people won't stare and judge them. I'm not saying that actually happens, but in my mind, if I expose them, people see and laugh at them.

I go out of my way to get shirts that show off my arms and mask the midsection, because, well at least I'm happy with the way my arms look. And yet, no matter what I wear, I can't keep my eyes off the problems.

And no matter how toned or flat my stomach or thighs become, I'll probably always fell insecure about them. I'm trying to lose 10 pounds too and even then, I'll probably still hate these parts of my body, so that's something I need to work on in my own head.

Am I the only one who thinks they have "problem areas" on her body? If not, feel free to share yours, there's no judgement here. Or what part of your body do you embrace and show off?

Online dating, take two

That's right, I'm getting back out there!

My experience at eHarmony was a big FAIL. Apparently on its compatibility scale, I am undesirable for just about everyone in the Chicago area, so I decided to bail on that and go with Match.com, which a few other of my friends have had luck with.

Online dating, take two!

I've been on Match.com now for a little over two weeks and it is dramatically different from eHarmony (but not in a bad way) and has made me feel overwhelmed and surprised at the same time.

Mostly, because there are men on Match.com that actually seem interested in me and my profile. Or that "new profile" smell is still on me, either one.

Within 24 hours of signing up, my personal e-mail was flooded with "winks" and even a few e-mails, all with guys who were interested.

To be fair, about 40 percent of those guys I was actually also interested in, but hey, a girl likes a self-esteem boost every now and again. Except when creepy 45-year-old guys send you a double entendre e-mail or guys e-mail asking if you think they're cute (most of the time, they're not).

And every day, I open up my e-mail to find a few more winks or e-mails from other guys that seem to find me interesting. I mean, it's flattering but also overwhelming. At one point, I almost said, "good lord not another one."

I know, beggars can't be choosers.

But now two of the guys I've exchanged very casual e-mails with want to meet in person! After only an e-mail? I know it's more of a "job interview" meet up but still, so soon?

Here is where I'm torn. I'm curious to meet them too, but wonder if they are a possible "Craigslist" copy-cat killer, only on Match.com or how I bail if they turn out to be a) not as cute in person or b) not interesting.

Do I expect they will pay for the drink we're meeting up for? Well, one guy said he doesn't believe men should always have to make the first move, so I'll guess that we'll be going Dutch on that one.

What do you all think? Should I take a chance and meet them for a drink, or is it too much too soon? Personally, I think a few more e-mails might not hurt, but I might be overthinking this one.

Key learnings, food and high self-esteem

Happy Sunday! Well it has stopped raining in Chicago for now, after serious thunderstorms and flooding yesterday, but it looks like it might be starting up again. Yay (said sarcastically).

So while I occupy my time with a shoe fashion show, let's hit the key learnings. Oh and someone once asked for pictures of that single-girl ritual. If you're interested, let me know and I'll put some up :)

Key Learnings:

• On nice spring days, forcing yourself to sit outside for lunch is the best decision you'll make

• Female adult toys are not meant to by DIY. I don't want to provide my own "motion in the ocean" or worry about it getting "stuck up there"

• It's okay to reduce the waiter's tip if your brunch meal was, well, forgotten about

• Cupcakes are the perfect dessert for any meal, brunch, breakfast, lunch, dinner, anything

• Finding a great deal on a high-ticket item is a great feeling (my friend Liz found a $148 coat a JCrew for $29.99 on sale, score!)

• Shredded and holey leggings are not a good idea. Actually, any clothing with these embellishments isn't a good idea

• Ice cream and/or beer on a hot day tastes so good!

• Flip flops are not made to withstand walking in a rainstorm

• Watching a thunderstorm can be surprisingly soothing

• Speidi's wedding is the most unholy union ever. And Spencer is still a d-bag

• I will not just wake up one day with six-pack abs. No matter how much I wish I would

Friday was the first real day of summer-like weather in Chicago and after a long winter and cool spring, it was SO nice. I even made sure to get away from my desk and go outside to get some sunshine. The first mild sunburn of the season could happen any day now.

Oh and I visited my local Berry Chill on Friday to get some relief from the heat and sample what everyone in my office has been talking about. Overall, it wasn't bad, and I think I broke even by having fruit and M&Ms together on my fro yo. Yeah, that's how it works.

Chicago food review

I've mentioned here before that I'm not exactly a "foodie," but lately, I'm obsessed with going out and trying new places. I even keep a list of restaurants in Chicago that I want to go to so I don't forget.

Saturday I met up with April at Southport Grocery and had the most amazing omelet with: egg, gruyere cheese, leek and mushrooms. It was amazing and very filling. Plus, its red potato mash (aka hash browns) were great too. And with one of its famous cupcakes, it was a great brunch. Definitely want to go back again.

Then after walking and moving all that food around, I met up with the lovely, well Jamie Lovely for dinner at Feast in Bucktown. Great ambiance and thanks to Open Table, we didn't have to wait for a table. And my herbed goat cheese-stuffed chicken breast with gnocchi, spinach and cherry tomatoes was insanely good. Somehow, I even found room for the dessert special, raspberry creme brulee. Yes, I don't need to eat again for two days.

But this is much better than my usual dinners of cereal or waffles, so I'm making progress!

Pull Your Shirt Down

Finally, I need to put "on notice" something new today. I know, two recent "on notice" entries, it's scary. I'm putting "on notice" today people who wear ill-fitting shirts. This weekend, I saw WAY too many muffin tops, and I wasn't even in a bakery! 

I know it's warm, I know it feels good to wear lighter-weight clothing and I know you want to show that you're hot sh*t, but seriously PULL YOUR SHIRT DOWN. I don't want to see your massive tramp stamp, hairy or pimply skin around your midsection. 

Okay, I'm not at my best "summer weight" right now either, but sweet lord, if that shirt doesn't fit, go to Old Navy and buy a new one for $5 because I can guarantee you that I don't want to see another spare tire, I have my own. Thanks.

How was every one else's weekend? Was the weather nice by you? Do anything fun?

Looking forward to spring

The rumor is that Chicago is going to have summer-like weather this weekend so to get me in the spring frame of mind, I'm putting out my list of spring pros and cons.

Spring pros:

• Cotton jackets

• Sandals, flip flops!

• Regular pedicures

• Skirts/dresses

• Street festivals

• Baseball (except when the Cubs traffic makes my commute home miserable)

• Barbecue

• Fireworks (watching them over the lake is amazing)

• Evening strolls

• Bobtail ice cream

Spring cons:

• Massive heat - I know, you can't win

• Humidity - Fro' hair, here I come!

• Having to shave my legs regularly - Goodbye shaving every two weeks

• Mosquitos

I have also officially transitioned my closet to spring. Goodbye winter sweaters and boots and hello gauzy tops and camis. Yes, I've transitioned my closet but I still don't know what to wear for nice weather!

Lately, I'm obsessed with summer dresses. I love wearing skirts and dresses because I hate wearing shorts/pants when it's warm out. I love the feeling of my legs being liberated, minus watching the wind do I don't let everyone see my underwear (it's happened).

Here are some of my new spring clothes that I'm obsessed with:

• Banana Republic Cap-Sleeve Scoopneck Tees - Very flattering on the bust and midsection, plus the "gauzy" look is dressier than standard cotton

• JCrew jersey dresses - Lightweight for a hot day and let's your body breathe

• Reef flip flops - So comfortable. I would wear them all day, every day

• Light, button down tops (example from the Gap) - Work-appropriate without being stuffy or too formal
  

Does anyone else have trouble dressing for spring weather? What are your spring pros/cons? Or what are you the most excited to wear now that it's getting warm outside? 

Reader note: Thank you everyone for the great comments on your "type" of guy. It was a dead heat between All-American guys/bad boys, with the bad boys just squeaking out as the most popular ;)

Defining my taste in men

I am a total prep at heart. I love JCrew, argyle, bright colors, cardigans and sweater vests. I'm one step away from a polo match and having a friend named "Muffy."

So it is likely no shock that the kind of man I'm attracted to is a preppy, clean-cut, Republican-looking (I said looking) man.

Some co-workers tease me about my taste in men, describing it as "clean." I'm not quite sure what that means but personal hygiene is important to me.

I've mentioned on here that the image of Hugh Jackman shirtless in Australia (mediocre movie) and in a tux at the Oscars made my heart flutter because, well who doesn't like a big, strong man dressed up or with his shirt off?

Good lord look at those arms!

Heart, flutter, flutter

Of my immediate co-workers, I'm the only one who isn't attracted to the rocker types, so hearing about leather vests and rock n' roll doesn't appeal to me. But I nod along when they gush about it, and saying "agree to disagree" when they ask if I think certain men are attractive. I can be supportive, even if I don't play for that team :)

I was attracted to Brandon over Dylan, Dawson over Pacey and find Nathan more attractive than Lucas.

No, I'll take my frat boy, early Abercrombie-looking man any day. I'd rather see a guy fill out a polo shirt rather than a pair of leather pants (unless it's Hugh Jackman) and talk politics and pop culture over a lovely Chardonnay or Savignon.

Yes that might have made me sound a little douche-baggy but I like my clean-cut boys with briefcases and polished look. Sighhhhhhhh. Actually, a guy in a dress shirt and khaki's gets my pulse racing.

But there is one preppy bad-boy that makes my heart swoon, Chuck Bass. It's the best of both worlds, prep glamour (and bold fashion choices) along with bad-boy mystique.

There is something about his bad-boy ways and philandering that I find irresistible. And I don't know why.

Oh Chuck Bass, call me, we'll shop Brooks Brothers before you take advantage of me in your penthouse.

So are you more of a "bad boy" or "All-American" kind of woman? Or guys, are you a Betty or Veronica kind of guy? And feel free to let me know where you fall on the Dylan/Brandon, Nathan/Lucas, Dawson/Pacey scale too.

Musical trip down memory lane

Music has played a big part in my life and it triggers a lot of memories for me.

Fleetwood Mac reminds me of my college graduation, the Beatles always reminds me of summer and Soulja Boy song reminds me of my brother's wedding. Yeah, the last one is a little random. My dad even remembers the song he heard after learning his mom died. And now, 20 plus years later, he still turns off the radio when it comes on.

But the music I have the most memories with (and don't laugh) is Sarah McLachlan.

When I was in high school, Sarah McLachlan was like my personal goddess. Oh Sarah, you spoke to me. Her album, "Surfacing" was on a permanent loop in my house. I listened to it night and day.

At this time, Lilith Fair was in full swing and "moody girl rock" was peaking in popularity. 

Her songs, Building a Mystery and Adia, were always accompanied by my passionate, yet tone-deaf voice voice.

I bring this up because the wedding I recently went to had a heavy Sarah McLachlan playlist during dinner and my female tablemates and I spoke about our Sarah memories, swooning over teenage angst and how her soulful lyrics got us through a tough adolescence. 

I think I even sang along to one of her songs on a date. And yes, he did ask me out again after hearing that. 

There's something about the power of music and the emotions it brings up. You feel like the songs sing directly to you and know exactly how you feel. Um, yeah I think I once said that about a 98 Degrees song too. Fail.

Even now, I have playlists for certain moods, including: 

• Gym 
• Post work relaxation
• College/Frat party
• Germany memories (lots of techno and Tom Jones music)
• Let's go take on the world!
• Drunk (lots of Journey and Britney Spears)
  

So my question tonight is: what music or artist brings up the most memories for you, even from those difficult teenage years? Or what is your go-to song or artist when you need a pick-me-up?

Key learnings, Chicago spring and salon sanctuary

Happy Sunday! I'm looking outside my apartment right now to...rain, which is a much different scene from Friday and Saturday when it was gorgeous and sunny in Chicago. But according to the Trib Web site, next weekend will be great too, so while I'm daydreaming of that, let's check out some key learnings.

Key Learnings:

• If wearing a Snuggie for a bar crawl, a belt and pins in the back make it much more figure flattering

• I am not afraid to verbally declare my love for something. For example: at my friend's birthday party, I yelled out loud, "I f*cking love potato salad!" (I do)

• Bad tasting icing can kill the taste of any cupcake

• Once warm weather hits, the desire to eat ice cream all the time returns

• 70 degrees in April is not the same as 70 degrees in June, don't get too overzealous with the spring clothing

• Searching for condos is time consuming

• Developing an online dating profile is surprising challenging, especially if done late at night

• If your salon offers a complimentary glass of wine, it is rude not to accept it, even if your appointment is at 11 a.m.

• I really hate cleaning the bathroom. Almost as much as I hate cleaning the kitchen

• The Kia commercial with hamsters on a wheel really cracks me up. I can SO relate to those hamsters

Salon sanctuary

This weekend I went to the salon and I so needed it. My hair grows like a tree so I'm in for color/cut every other month and I delayed this visit by two weeks so my hair was dying to be cut off. During the height of poverty, I cut my hair every six months, but I can't do that anymore.

I love the salon I go to in Chicago. I've been faithful to my stylist for three years, and that is a huge accomplishment for me. I think the salon is a place of total relaxation. It helps you unwind from everything and you feel so much better when you leave.

And along with a complimentary glass of wine, my favorite part about the salon is the scalp massage. A good scalp massage is almost as good as a bucket of cash. Well, almost. I've fallen asleep multiple times in the chair while my scalp is being massaged and I feel much more comfortable paying for my service afterward. Maybe that's part of the master salon plan ;)

Cupcake goodness

After the salon, I treated myself to a cupcake at Phoebe's grand opening. Actually, the first 3,000 people got a free cupcake (even better!) from its assorted flavors. The cupcake I received was a salted caramel flavor and it wasn't too bad. I'm a cupcake traditionalist though, I love chocolate and red velvet and don't get too crazy with cupcake flavors. But when it opens next week, I'll be there to sample both.

Here's a picture of my cupcake (not a great photo) and the cute card I received with it.

Spring blooms

So I take way too many photos of flowers, but here's a photo I took this weekend to help everyone think spring. When the sun is out, all of my photos turn out 100 percent better.

How was everyone else's weekend? Do anything fun or see any movies? Or was the weather nice by you too?

My makeup crush costs money

I love makeup. I love trying new makeup products (especially lip gloss) and looking at rows and rows of product, like a kid in the candy store.

That's why Sephora is a dangerous place to put me because I rotate between feeling infatuated with makeup and overwhelmed by all my choices. After awhile, everything looks alike! Rows of mascara that look the same as the one next to it.

Lately, I've been trying to cut back on impulse makeup buys (hello recession) and spread out the makeup purchases so I don't spend $100 on my products in one day because I need to replenish my stock. By spreading that out, I trick myself into thinking that I'm not actually spending collectively that much on makeup.

My colleague Meg and I also talk about makeup on a daily basis, giving each other recommendations on products to buy and stay away from. I really think she could be the one to help me become more eyeliner-proficient.

Anyhow, here are some recent makeup purchases that I love:

• Smashbox Under Eye Brightener - I posted before that I bought this and it has made such a difference. Highly recommend it

• Clinique Take the Day Off Cleansing Milk - Doesn't require water and soothes your face while removing foundation, etc.

• Maybelline Define-A-Lash mascara - So far so good with this one. I have thin lashes and the brush definitely catches them easily

• Neutrogena Healthy Skin Enhancer - perfect foundation for warm days. Goes on light and provides great coverage

So what your your favorite makeup or beauty products right now? Am I the only one who goes a little overboard with buying makeup?

Tomorrow is supposed to be 70 degrees in Chicago. I could lose my mind I'm so excited. Time to get some sun on my pasty, non-spray tanned body!!

When going out to eat isn't fun

No, I'm not talking about food poisoning. I'm talking more about the service.

For me, going out to eat is a treat. Especially when I want to celebrate good news, a birthday or just to spend a nice evening out with friends, unwinding and catching up.

Which is why it f*cking pisses me off when that dinner is ruined by poor service, bad food, etc.

Yes, I may take this a little personally, but money was really tight when I was growing up so going out to eat was more than just a meal, it was an "experience." It was something you looked forward to and enjoyed because it didn't happen all the time.

So Friday night, after a long week at work, I got back to Wisconsin for the weekend and promptly told dad we were going out to dinner. I had not seen him in a few weeks and was looking forward to some quality time together.

Until we go to a Bar Louie location at home and...well...they ruined my meal.

First, they mess up my initial order, no biggie, I point out the mistake and change my order. Thirty minutes later it arrives, after dad has finished his meal and I've eaten most of his fries out of starvation.

Then my new meal arrives, one of my current, favorite dishes, baked mac and cheese, and it's not even baked. It's just warm. At this point, I'm starving so I just eat part of it while my dad sits and stares at me.

Oh and apparently there is a water shortage at the restaurant because I only got one glass of water with no refills (despite asking) so I had to share again with dad.

Sure, we complained and got 50 percent off the bill, but I was so mad at myself for choosing that place and that the meal was not what I was hoping for cuisine-wise and service-wise.

This is a perfect example of why I'm a bad tipper. I refuse to reward my waitress who was jiggling her boobs at the bartenders and host staff rather than be attentive. When I have good service, I'm a good tipper, great service, I'm a great tipper.

And the restaurant was barely full so crowd couldn't even be an excuse.

So now I'm still upset reflecting on this. Geez, I'm either sad or too much of a "feeler."

So f*ck you Bar Louie, you're being placed on the "on notice" board. Yes, you've prompted me to add something to that board again.

What was your worst dining experience or what irritates you the most when you go out to eat?

Reader note: Oh my gosh! I was so appreciative of everyone's posts about me jumping into the home ownership pool. Thank you so much for your great comments, I will definitely keep everyone posted on how this goes! And welcome again to new commenters too! You guys are the best :)

The long journey to condo

I am about to take another, scary, step toward being an adult and embark on the long journey toward being a home owner.

That's right, this weekend dad and I had an honest talk about me buying a condo and after crunching some numbers, we're going to get started on the process! Now I won't be working with a realtor tomorrow or getting pre-approved for a mortgage next week, but I think it'll be happening (hopefully) in the next six months.

And now I'm super nervous and excited. At nearly 30, I'm ready to have a place that's my own. I abhor moving more than anything and I'm ready to have a space that I can decorate to my own taste and know that...well...I won't have to move ANYTIME soon again.

But it's scary. I've always been a little bit of a transient, moving around a lot, so the thought of settling down scares me a little bit. And there's the pressure of making sure I can keep up on payments and adds to my worries about job stability, etc.

And as a one income household right now and for the forseeable future, it's enough to make any girl feel overwhelmed.

So I'll likely be relying on my dad a lot to help me research, etc., but it's exciting to know that very soon, I could have something that's really mine :)

The questions for tonight: if you own a condo, home, etc. what was your "dealbreaker" feature? For me, I have to have in-unit washer and dryer. Non-negotiable. And for renters, what do you look forward to when you get your own place? 

Or, am I the only person who HATES moving?

Key Learnings, Easter and candy coma

Happy Easter everyone! I don't know about you all but right now I am in a near Thanksgiving-like coma from all the food today. Seriously, I need to take out my contacts stat in case I just fall asleep. 

So before that happens, let's hit the key learnings.

Key Learnings:

• I may lose my mind if it doesn't get warm in the Midwest soon. I have such cute stuff to wear!

• Getting an Easter basket as an adult is still a nice treat

• Amy Adams is good in just about any movie she is in. Give her an Oscar, please!

• Your dad is a keeper when he holds your purse in public while you take pictures

• It's okay to play tourist in your hometown

• Cupcakes make an acceptable dinner

• If struggling with a clip on a hanger, don't force it to move because it will snap at any moment and cut your finger open (guilty!)

• It's okay to skip wearing a belt to Easter brunch so there is more room for the food indulgence

• Don't walk around your parent's house half-dressed unless you know they're not home or coming upstairs any time soon

• In order to bond with your parents, you do things you normally wouldn't do, like watch hours of the Master's golf tournament or Fox News

• At Easter brunch, don't guzzle down a Bloody Mary on an empty stomach or you will be intoxicated before the meal (again)

On the Easter theme, I woke up this morning (after being rudely woken up at 6 a.m. initially) and found that the Easter bunny visited me!! YAY! I saw basket grass in our house and hoped it was for me, and it was!

Here is a picture of my Easter basket, full of Burt's Bees and chocolate goodies. Now I have more Ghirardelli squares to smuggle into the movies and my favorite lip balm and Burt's products. Thank you bunny!

After the basket reveal, we went to my stepmom's sister's house for brunch, where I binged on homemade cinnamon rolls (amazing!) and found out were were celebrating a family member's birthday, complete with...a Twilight cake! And while indulging, a 12 year old and I talked about Twilight as if we were...kids. 

Finally, I went crazy taking pictures this weekend around home. I loaded all of them on my Flickr page if you want to check them out. I went a little nuts taking photos at an indoor farmer's market and around the city. Here are some of my favorites:

Cheese in Wisconsin-familiar shapes

Rose in full bloom (yes I did take this picture)

Art Museum

So how was everyone else's Easter weekend? Did anyone else get an Easter basket or eat way too much candy? What is your favorite Easter candy?

Also, has anyone seen the Peeps contest? The Washington Post does it every year but I found pictures of the finalists on the Tribune site too. Some of them are so clever!

Reader note: Thank you everyone for the great comments on the movie quote post on Thursday. I was laughing the entire day at quotes you all left. And hello to all the new commenters too! I cannot believe I forgot Clueless or Legally Blonde or even Seinfeld. All of those have great quotes too. It was so much fun to read your comments, it made my day!

Movies I quote on a regular basis

I am a total movie fanatic. I watch a lot of movies, go see movies on a regular basis and, well quote them just about every day.

You can incorporate any of the below tweets into your day: at the office, on the bus, driving, talking with friends, flirting with a guy. It's a solid conversation starter!

Oh and it's been a long week, which is why I'm keeping the topic light for everyone tonight.

So I thought I would share with everyone the movies I tend to quote regularly with friends, primarily my buddy Ryan and my brother. We're a regular comedy routine.

Actually I watch a lot of these movies when I need a laugh, or just feel like watching something that doesn't require a lot of thought.

"You know, a lot of people go to college for 7 years"

"I know, they're called doctors"

"That is so fetch!"

"I can't go out"

"Boo, you wh*re"

"Follow me or perish, sweatermonkeys!"

"When in Rome!"

"I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly"

"Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?"

And of course, there is one TV show, outside of the Office, to add to the mix.

"I just blue myself"

"There's gotta be a better way to say that"

And of course, the latest addition to this quote list, "totes magoats" from I Love You Man.

What about everyone else? What movies or TV shows do you love to quote? Or even just love to watch for the one-liners. Let me know if I'm missing any!

Benefits of being single in a recession

Oh and the title of this post is meant to be slightly sarcastic.

This weekend I saw an article online titled, "The Upside to Being Single in a Recession" and I absolutely had to click on it because, well, I wanted to see how I was coming out ahead in our economic crisis. 

And, with no disrespect, it has to be the most ridiculous article I've read in a while.

Want to know how singletons finally have the upperhand against couples? Here's a few examples:

• Not having to pay a "marriage penalty" tax (actually this is a valid point)

• More flexibility to take a second job because we don't have to carpool kids to practices

• Don't have to go Dutch on "date night." We're not married so the guys can pay

• Can move back in with our parents if money is tight

• Save on life insurance payments since we "don't have a spouse or children to care for after an untimely demise." So how should I use this saved money? Well the author says it can buy a lot of mani-pedis 

And along with the reminder that money is the major reason most marriages dissolve, the author's perils of wisdom include, "divorce is expensive." Yes, I come from a divorced family, I know that.

Finally, the author also mentions Ruth Madoff (wife of investor and Ponzi scheme mastermind Bernie Madoff) as an example as to why it's good to be single. Why you ask? Because if our spouse goes bankrupt, or steals billions of dollars from innocent investors, our money becomes vulnerable.

I will make sure not to date or marry a thief, although stealing is a sign of dedication.

Now, I'm not saying the principle of the article is wrong but I have a little trouble with her examples to support her "point." Basically because I think she's pulling some of them out of her a**.

Despite these fundamental flaws, I have to admit, the article's pictures are awesome. There are images of women acting carefree by swinging their shopping bags happily in the air, basking in the fact that they have fewer responsibilities and can say "screw you!" to their coupled friends. Quite a Mary Tyler Moore-inspired idea.

So I might be taking this a little far, but I just had to write about it because I found it too hilarious. 

Let me know what you think and if I'm at all off base. And I know a lot of us have cut back on expenses and/or have things that are "recession proof," so I guess my question for tonight is, if you've cut back on things, what are you looking forward to "splurging on again" or what is your "recession proof" treat? Mine: cable television. I love it and won't give it up, actually that and dyeing my hair.

Reader note: Thank you everyone for the awesome comments on yesterday's bra shopping post. I also have a lot of trouble finding pants that fit. I need a short or petite length but not short enough where it's too short or is long enough that needs to be hemmed. Oh and my "birthing hips" make it hard to find nicely fitting pants too.

Adventures in bra shopping

Because of my size-D chest, I enjoy bra shopping about as much as I enjoy my annual PAP or swimsuit shopping. It's a tie.

And because I hate spending a lot of money on bras - same with sleepwear - I wear my current bras until they are stretched out or old and I'm forced to replace them. 

That is the situation I'm currently in. I went bra shopping not because I wanted to, but because I had to. And, the style bra I am replacing was discontinued (that's how long it's been) so I was starting from scratch.

So Saturday afternoon, I grabbed my coupon, gave the boobs a pep talk and walked into Victoria's Secret, aimed to come out with a new bra and maybe lower self-esteem.

A sales associate was nice enough to fit me (fortunately I am still the bra size I was before), ask me a few questions (while staring at my chest) and then disappeared, leaving me to my own devices. So like a lost puppy, I wandered around, groped some bras and grabbed five styles in my size, a nice mix between demi, padded, pull coverage and natural.

After a short fitting room wait, it was time for the main event, trying bras on. Praying my boobs would behave, I started trying them on and quickly found out a few things:

• With a size-D chest, push up bras make your boobs lethal weapons

• It's important to do a little "jump" to make sure your boobs have enough support

• Do not assume the strap has been adjusted before trying it on (nearly snapped one)

• If the boobs spill over the bra, that style is not for you

I won't lie, I was tempted to get a padded, push up one so I wouldn't have to pay for drinks...ever again, but considering my chest was flapping around like a fish, I opted to go with the following bra:

The Angels Demi IPEX

And with a nice sale, I got two for $49, regular price, $45/each. So it was successful and I hope I'm set for a little bit.

Now I just need to work on looking that good in the bra while lounging around (with a pout of course). Yeah, I don't know why I'm talking about my boobs so much. Really. 

What is the one clothing item you hate shopping for? Bras, swimsuits, pants? I'm curious.

Key learnings, thinking spring and movie marathons

I may have spoken too soon at the whole "thinking spring" thing because Chicago is supposed to get 1-3 inches of snow tonight. *Pause for my expletive tirade*

Moving on, while I pull out the snow boots for tomorrow, let's hit the key learnings.

Key Learnings:

• When in doubt, grilled cheese or mac and cheese is always a good lunch or dinner food option

• Before deviating from your grocery list, make sure you can handle carrying the extra indulgence (it can be a long walk if you can't)

• You can never eat just a few Swedish Fish, the bag will magically disappear

• Clive Owen is smoking hot

• Just because it's 50 degrees, doesn't mean you should wear flip flops or shorts. It's not that warm

• When a customer says she "needs a minute" to decide on products to buy, don't snort in disgust and dramatically walk away. It's rude b*tch

• Diets don't count on the weekends

• A beer on a Friday night tastes like sweet heaven (just like Chipotle)

• When your bus driver gets road rage, it's okay to hold on for dear life

• Not everyone wears make up on the weekends, don't stare at them for doing so

• Any meal with cheese on it is going to taste good. Same with bacon

• The weather report is a key indicator as to the "need" to shave your legs for the upcoming week

Movie Marathon: 

Lately, I've been watching a ton of movies. It's my go-to for stress relief, after the gym and eating my weight in ice cream or candy. 

Netflix hasn't been sending me the best selection lately so I've started going to the theater again and hitting up Redbox near my house.

In the last two weekends, I've watched the following movies:

• Twilight
• Australia
• Slumdog Millionaire
• Pineapple Express
• Marley & Me
• X-Files: I Want to Believe
• I Love You Man
• Duplicity

As you can see, I've been busy.

Marley & Me was my big must-see this weekend. I stalked Redbox twice on Friday and finally got it, with tissues ready and everything. I have to say, I'm not a huge pet person, but the tears did flow. Not convulsing sobs but steady tears. And it was nice to see Owen Wilson move away from the man-boy movies.

Oh and thanks to I Love You Man, my new phrase is "totes magoats." So funny. The only movie from this list I don't recommend seeing is X-Files. Bad movie. Disgrace to the TV show.

Speaking of TV, what's up with Gossip Girl going on hiatus until the end of the month? WTF? And the Hills is starting again, which means I can go back to watching Spencer be a d-bag and Stephanie be a doormat. Lucky me.

So I know this post was a little boring, but hey, I had a relaxing weekend so there isn't anything overly juicy to share!

What did everyone else do this weekend? See any good movies or watch some basketball? Or what movies are coming up that you want to see? Discuss!

The plastic surgery debate

While cruising around my entertainment sites tonight, I came across a colorful spread of "plastic surgery nightmares."

Yes, some of the images were frightening.

But it got me thinking about plastic surgery and if I would ever do it. I mean, I watch "Nip/Tuck," which is a pretty compelling reason not to, but sometimes, I think I would get a little work done. 

No matter how much I work out, the spare tire never goes away, my boobs seem to be in permi-sag, and while spared the "family nose," there is a bump on my bridge that could vanish. 

And I have some scars from medical tests and from surgery for a ovarian cyst that I'd like to wipe away. I don't need those scars to remind me of those nightmares. Plus, I fear the wrinkles that will develop on my forehead from the brow furrowing, wait, could I maybe expense that if it's work-induced furrowing?

I guess I think about it too because of a sledding accident that happened when I was a kid. I fell off a sled and slid down a sheet of ice, taking most of the skin off one side of my face. My doctor told me plastic surgery may be necessary, but fortunately, I healed without a scar.

I'm not unhappy with how I look, but sometimes, the temptation to be just a bit better is out there.

But then I see the botched surgeries, like Tara Reid and Daryl Hannah, and suddenly, that spare tire looks good. Plus, as much as I'd like to look better, I know my insecurities will still be there post-surgery, so I need to focus on those first.

I don't judge those who do it, but thanks to Us Weekly and stars making bad decisions (cough, Joan Rivers, cough), the topic peeked my interest.

So, I guess the question for tonight, outside of what everyone is up to this weekend, is, would you ever have plastic surgery? If so, what would you have done? And if you did, do you think you'd be happier afterward?

The truth about cramps

Being a woman is tough. Let's look beyond the whole "glass ceiling" discussion and get down to what sucks the most, having your period. Because that includes cramps.

Thanks to my "no baby pills," my cramps are better than in high school, but lately, I think the media has been giving cramps a bad name. Tonight I saw a Midol commercial and felt like a freak. Mostly because I wasn't nearly as miserable as those ladies, who could barely find the will or desire to move, dress or do anything other than bitch about pain.

Man up ladies, pop those pills and move on. If I took a day off when my cramps were bad, I would be out at least two days a month from work. I need to use vacation time, but I'm not using it for something like that.

Yes, I have been in cramp-induced pain before where I can barely eat, sleep, think or focus, but I don't whine about it, or do as the ladies in the commercial do. They walk around the apartment whining like a little b*tch, stand half dressed in front of the mirror poking at the bloating like a jellyfish and struggle to get their pants on.

While this may be a reality for some, these women in the commercial are adults. That's high school behavior. And aren't cramps a sign that eggs are making their way through your fallopian tubes? That's a good thing, quit bitching.

Oh and pass me some salty chips, my cramps need some. Kthxbye.

I won't ask you to share personal cramps stories, but let me know if I'm off-base in my review of these commercials. I just find them so comical that I had to write about it.

What commercials do you find to be totally ridiculous?

Reader note: Thanks everyone for the great comments about high heels. I'm glad to see I'm not the only lady, and petite one at that with this issue. I plan to get the Foot Petals and Dr. Scholls this weekend and try them out. Maybe it's time for a foot-insert showdown?