Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Little white lies

Sometimes I say things that I don't really mean. I wouldn't say that I'm a liar, but maybe just a little white liar/fibber.

I never intentionally say cruel things (contrary to popular belief), but sometimes I do lie to myself a little bit. I will verbally say things that I have honorable intentions of doing but then never actually do them.

I do this a lot because I believe in my scattered head that if I say these things out loud enough, I'll actually do it, but that never seems to happen.

For example, here are a list of lies I've said to myself recently and my inner monologue toward each:
  • Start going to the gym more (shut up no you're not. You're there four days a week, do you think you'll actually get off your a** and go? No I didn't think so, but we'll go walk outside)

  • Cut back on the amount of beer I drink (FAIL, whatever, we'll switch to wine then)

  • Call my grandparents more (Yes please let's call them more so grandma can tell us you're too fat or skinny and that you'll die alone. Super)

  • Be nicer to rude customer service people (I don't think Rage Girl will like this - wait she might be getting angry already)

  • Get up earlier (why not? I already can't sleep in so I may as well catch up on morning TV. At least on Saturday there is a 90210 marathon on SoapNet)

  • Lose 10 more pounds (Ah sure we can do this as soon as you lay off the candy. I know it calls to us)

  • Re-organize my closet and keep it organized (We'll try, but no guarantees)
So while I have good intentions to actually do them, according to my brain, some are going to be easier to achieve than others. I think my brain will win on this too.

Backtracking a little bit, on occasion, I will lie to my friends, but I do it because I love them and want to help them. For example, when friends are upset and they are looking for advice or comfort, I will say things that are genuine, but not always 100 percent true. I'm being supportive of them and telling them what they want to hear to feel better, rather than being honest and possibly causing a fight. 

Sadly, I've been in this situation a lot in the past and when I tried to be honest...it didn't end well and it damaged a lot of friendships. When you're really upset about something, you don't want someone judging you or making you feel worse, you just want someone to hold you and tell you it will all be okay. And that's...okay.

Before I move on, I do want to say that there are certain situations in which you should be a brutally honest friend, but sometimes, it's just not worth the fight. And if the tables were turned, I'd rather have my friends lie to me. I really don't think there is anything wrong with that either.

So maybe I am a liar, but sometimes the truth is a little tougher to take. And as long as I don't lose my grip on reality, sometimes lying to others and to yourself is the best option.

I fear asking, but am I the only one who says things like this that they don't 100 percent mean?

Reader note: Thank you so much everyone for your great comments on yesterday's lunchtime habits! I'm so glad to hear that there are other PB&J fans and that I'm not the only one who "brown bags" it every day. I cannot wait for treat day Friday too.

38 comments:

Angela said...

You're not the only one who lies. There are definitely times when I'm not 100% honest with my friends because I know it will make them more angry or upset than they need to be. I wouldn't call it lying, it's more like delaying the truth until later.

Like when a friend has an asshole of a boyfriend but you bite your tongue (for the most part) until they break up. THEN you can tell your friend how rotten he was and how you hope he burns in hell for being such a bad boyfriend.

Mandy said...

I lie to myself all the time...."Get up Mandy, yes its 5:30 but you and the dog need to go for a walk." Inner me "Shut the hell up and go back to bed its too eff'n early!" Usually the inner me wins out.

Stephanie said...

"Secrets secrets are no fun. Secrets secrets hurt someone."

Okay, maybe that doesn't pertain to this post. But it was the first thing that popped into my head.

Sometimes it's okay to tell a little lie to make a friend feel better. On that same note, I would never ask an opinion if I wanted to hear the truth.

LBluca77 said...

I think sometimes it is ok to lie to a friend, especially about something that had recently occurred and they are still in that upset stage and are not thinking clearly any way. Then has the problem gets better it is easier to be more honest about things. Initially they just need someone to listen.

I love Saturday mornings with my 90210 and coffee.

Maxie said...

1) I LOVE stephanie for the office quote! hahahaha

2) I'm a liar. I lie to myself. Gyms, diets, getting up earlier-- I'm totally guilty.

I also lie to my friends/co-workers but it's always good hearted... One lady at work always asks me what I think about her outfits. I've gotten to the point where I just say one thing that is almost okay and say it's cute.

jamie said...

This, friend, was so my kind of post! I loved it!! :) Seriously, I'm a definite self-liar. I promise myself things I never intend on following through with, and yes, sometimes I do it to my friends, too. Bleh. Damn conscience.

P.S.! This city, I am loving it, but it is insane to drive through!!! xo

howitstarts said...

I just lied tonight when my friend showed me photos from a wedding she attended a few weeks ago. She was really excited about what she had worn and rather than saying, "You went strapless?!? That looks awful!", I just said they looked lovely because really, there was no need to rain on her parade. Sometimes, I'll tell people if I think they're dressed inappropriately but in this case, it was better for everyone to go with the small lie. Right?

Caz said...

I definitely lie on occasion, and of course I want people to lie to me on occasion.
I tell my friends what they want to hear when they're looking for comfort. If they're looking for an actual discussion/opinion/analysis though then I wouldn't lie, just maybe frame the truth in a better light.

Of course I want AB to tell me I'm WAY hotter than that skinny blonde across the street even though I'm hot, sweaty and wearing my gym clothes. I know he's lying but I don't want the truth at that point.

I also lie to myself (ie "Of course I can afford to buy such-and-such" or "I'll totally get up at 5:45 to go to the gym")

Blaez said...

no one's perfect... little white lies are nothing --but becareful because they can totally grow into something.....and omigods. yea.

so just be careful :)

Jane said...

haha. you're so cute.

i used to never lie and then i became a compulsive liar for a little bit and decided i didn't really feel bad about lying and found it quite amusing actually.

i'm trying to go back to my old self now though. i didn't really like who i was becoming.

i still like to pretend to be different people...which is a form of lying i suppose.

:)

LJ said...

I think if most peeps told you they never lie, they would be lying to you.

SA said...

Everyone lies, whether it's to themselves or someone they know or a random stranger. You'll never going to find a completely honest person. I lie to myself all the time. Like "I'm definitely moving out of South Carolina this year" and "I'll stop caring about sports so much."

Just make sure the lie doesn't turn into a monster of itself. That's the key I think. Or to, you know, try to stop lying all the time. That might help all of us as well.

jenn said...

I definitely lie to myself.

e.g. "I will restrict my internet usage to 30 mins in the evenings, and never at work..."

FAIL.

I don't know why I even bothered thinking that...

pinkjellybaby said...

I'm the same. I constantly convince myself that I can stop eating and go out for a run....and in my head I truly believe it...but really, I know I won't!

The Maiden Metallurgist said...

I never lie to friends or about anything important, but I like lying to strangers. People I sit next to on planes, men in bars. I make up a fake job and a fake life, not always anything exciting, sometimes something really boring. I don't know why I do it. But I like it.

Anonymous Amy said...

I say things to people that I don't mean if I'm in a bind. I try not to speak if I can help it but if they ask me a question and I know the truth hurts..I usually just say what they want to hear.
This doesn't go for the few really close friendships I have. For those select few I give the honest, raw truth and we're still friends.

ToughGirl101 said...

I've been trying to lose those last 10 lbs too :-(

ToughGirl101 said...

Oh, and on the topic of lies... Yeah, I lied all through my divorce. Not about anything important, but I was acting way more well adjusted than I really was. I lied and said that I was fine-basically following the "Whistle a happy tune" mantra-which is a white lie that can be good.

Kyla Bea said...

I don't think I lie a lot, but I definitely try to talk myself into things unsuccessfully! lol

I generally don't put myself in situations where I'll have to lie, but if someone it pushy or fishing for a specific comment from me then I'll definitely indulge them if it'll make them go away!

G+D said...

I def. lie to myself more than I lie to others. I hear ya on that gym thing. Eesh!!

Renee said...

Today's little white lie: "Since I'm awake, I guess I'll shower and get ready early and stop at Target to get those flannel sheets on sale."

Three hours later, I'm still in my PJs watching the news with a cup of tea.

Bobbie said...

There are some things you just don't tell people. I mean, for example: "That's an ugly baby!" or "I liked your hair better BEFORE you cut it." or "No, your boyfriend is an asshole and you can do so much better." It's better to say nothing at all, in my opinion. Unless you're asked directly and asked for honesty and you know the person well enough to realize whether or not that's something he/she really wants. I have people in my life who I can count on to provide me with honesty, and they know that when I ask, I actually want to hear it, even if it's unpleasant. (I don't always want to hear it, though, so I don't always ask.)

Sometimes, when I have found myself thinking something mean, I find something about the person to compliment on, so I don't a) lie or b) contract horrible foot in mouth disease and accidentally say the mean thing.

As far as lying to myself, I do it all the time. I told myself I was going to lose 20 lbs by my birthday. Not gonna happen now. I told myself I was going to work out 5 days a week. I was doing it, but now have lost my momentum. I told myself I was going to save money for a nice vacation. Can't do that now, because I was laid off from my job and haven't gotten a new one yet. So it happens.

Megkathleen said...

Anybody who says they don't lie is in denial. Every night I lie to myself by saying that I'm going to get up early. And I agree that sometimes white lies are necessary with friends.

cm. said...

i would have to say that if any woman were to disagree with you, uh, she's lying. we all do this. i think it just goes along with being a normal human being, with being a woman (i'm sure guys do it too...).

Katelin said...

i keep telling myself to go to the gym too. sadly it's just not working yet. it's okay to lie to yourself every once and a while.

jess@thehomebound said...

I'm glad to see that I am not the only one who does this because I do it all the time. I was thinking that as my mother would say, "the road to Hell is paved with good intentions." But screw that! It just means we are human.

Jenn said...

I'm known to tell a little white-lie here and there. I think it's interesting, the fine line between protecting someone and being dishonest.

I make an effort to be completely honest all of the time, but sometimes I don't want to disappoint someone else or it's really not that big of a deal.

wontletlifedefineme said...

Hmm well I try to avoid white lies as much as possible, and even if the truth may hurt I try and bring it in a constructive way, so that it at least (hopefully) empowers people.

Erin said...

I lied to a parent just today. I told her that her child was just fine on his first day of school. Truthfully, he had a tantrum that lasted a good 30 minutes. I could have told her that, but then she wouldn't bring him back tomorrow! Is he going to be fine? Sure. Just not today.

Coconut said...

Anyone who says they don't do that is LYING!

jamie said...

I saw your lion today! I LOVED downtown. Spent most of the day there just wandering. And it turned in to a lovely day.

Princess Pointful said...

You are hardly the only one. I think sometimes lying is the only kind thing to do-- when telling the truth isn't going to help a person, only harm them.
My own lie is that I will always choose salad over fries as a side. Ha.

Ashley said...

I got a bagel for lunch today and thought of you. (Because I was running late and had no time to pack!)

I thought - no treat on Friday now! :) (Although $2 for lunch isn't bad!)

Giovanna Diaries said...

Thou shall not lie. Yeah, i'm so going to hell for that one!
So let me get this right, not being 100% honest is considered a lie? I'm in trouble!
Yep, definitely going to hell.

dolcechic said...

I don't think there's any reason to call someone that makes rude comments, regardless of whether they're a co-worker, friend, family member. I think you're doing just fine, don't change!

Rebekah said...

I may or may not have been lying to Ben a LOT about things with Melissa and this mess of a separation.

That's a lie. There's no "may not." I am most definitely lying to him pretty much every day.

But it's for his own good, right?

Little Miss Obsessive said...

"Monday, I'll start my diet."

That is the lie I tell myself every weekend... and every week I really truly think I mean it. ;)

www.zamora-3d.com said...

This won't really have success, I feel like this.