Thursday, October 16, 2008

My personal ad

The latest trend in city dating: going online. Recently, some friends have talked to me about their online dating experiences and recommended that I create a profile on eHarmony or Match to help me meet my two date minimum this year.

Because I'm so awful at regular dating, I'm actually thinking about this. 

My past online dating experiences weren't great, but in hearing about the success from my friends, I'm considering giving it another shot.

So before I start looking into memberships, I took a stab at writing my own personal ad. Take a look below and let me know your thoughts.

Single lady in Chicago

Single, young professional in Chicago looking to meet a guy with a great sense of humor. I love pop culture, movies, television and sports, especially college football. I also like shopping but I can pay for it so I won't be stealing money out of your wallet.

Right now, I'm looking for a guy who can make me laugh and treat me like a lady. Similar interests are important and you must not have any of the following:
  • Lice

  • A tendency to lie a lot or cheat

  • Kleptomania

  • A physical attraction to any of my girlfriends

  • Lack of personal hygiene

  • Bad credit or a lot of debt

  • Dislike of strong women

  • Anger management issues

  • A problem with picking up the tab - I can take care of myself, but it's nice to have someone be the "guy" on the date.
Also, must not mind helping on household chores and going out to dinner and doing fun stuff around the city. I've lived here nearly four years, but I still love exploring and seeing new things. I don't mind sitting home some nights but I'm not a hermit.

I don't put out on the first date but a kiss is optional depending on how the date goes. Also, I don't have a problem with appropriate PDA but keep you tongue to yourself if we're out in public. That's for private time. Possibly boyfriends might have to submit to an STD screening test.

I'm not crazy, I have a good job and group of friends. I enjoy working out and living a healthy life but I don't sacrifice food that I want to eat or alcohol. I enjoy working out and lifting weights but I don't have a big neck. Plus, it is important to me that my dad like you because should he not and we break up, there is a 50/50 chance you'll disappear in the middle of the night. We're only violent when prompted.

Call me!

So I think that's a winning ad. Wouldn't you want to date me?

In all seriousness, maybe it wouldn't hurt to look into an online dating membership. Would make for good blog fodder right?

Anyone have big weekend plans? I'm off to Iowa tomorrow night for the Iowa/Wisconsin game, I'm already looking forward to Sunday's "key learnings" post!


Jenn said...

Dude, I'd date you.

I love that you included lice on your list of can't haves!

Weekend plans? Oh just a little trip to IKEA! Woo hoo!

Arielle said...

I'd totally date you. The only thing is that I think some people might interpret "I'm not crazy" as "I'm a total wack job."

Also, I did the online dating thing for 2 months like 2 years ago. I never even went out on any dates from it because I was too weirded out by the concept and I STILL got crazy stories from it (maybe I should try that again, actually...)


Sandy said...

I'm pretty sure ANYBODY would date you- especially since you clarified the size of your neck. Small neck=winner in my book.
I think it would be a pretty cool thing to do, and hey- blog fodder is always good, ya know?
Have fun at the game! I'm going to a concert downtown tomorrow night and the breast cancer walk on Sunday!

Erin said...

I love your ad! You should totally try out online dating. My best friend married a man she met online, and my step-brother met his wife online too.

I'm trying to convince a friend of mine that online dating is where it's at, but she's having none of it.

howitstarts said...

People recommended online dating to me and I tried it out for a bit but the guys who contacted me freaked me out so I quit. I figure if that's what I attract, I'd prefer to be single. No, no, but I am trying out the old fashioned courting system for now.

Also, I agree with arielle. The minute I read, "I'm not crazy", I thought, "That means 'I'm totally nuts!'" and so I might leave that one off. I don't know why I had that reaction but it was the only thing that I would change.

LJ said...

Ha I love your matchmaker Ad! I have good friend that met a guy that way and they ended up getting married. Also my cousin did and he ended up getting involved with one of the craziest CRAZIEST girls I have ever met. So I guess it could go either way.

Have fun in Iowa! No plans here, just working through the weekend!

Mandy said...

That ad is awesome! LOL. I would be afraid to try online dating here in my small town, but if I were in a big city I might give it a whirl. I think thats how my stepsister met her boyfriend. Blog fodder is always good. :-) Have fun in Iowa at the game!

My weekend plans -- vegging out and relaxing, visiting with a friend from DC, reading.

Rachel Burton said...

Great ad! Either you find True Love or you emerge with Really Great Blog Fodder. Sounds win-win to me.

Alexa said...

i'd totally date you!

good thing i'm lice free!

but wait, i'm a girl. damnit.

jenniferalaine said...

Haha hilarious. I actually know a few people who have met on Match - one couple is married and just had their first baby. But you're right - at the very least you can entertain us with it on your blog :)

And this weekend I'm off to Aix-en-Provence in the south of Frnace... Rough life, I know.

L.C.T. said...

Have you read SO@24's blog? He's just started online dating. Makes for a good read!

RandomDude said...

1) Mentioning you're not crazy means you're crazy.
2) You like to out but also stay home? You "know" Chicago but still like to explore? You're a rare breed.
3) You talk about money. A lot. If you're that concerned with cash you should just list a minimum income requirement.
4) Threat of violence from a father? Only funny when you're in high school or *after* you've been dating someone.

Mega said...

I've done it and mine was through Craigslist. You have heard my horror stories but I had some really fun dates too. I think you should give it a shot, what do you have to lose? If you aren't liking the way the night is going just leave or something. You're quite a catch and good probably find someone spiffy.

Cheryl said...

I've done online dating. Definitely good for blog fodder. Currently I'm on Match until Friday. I guess my profile was not as witty as yours. ;)

I'm starting a painting class on Sunday and going to a concert. I think I too will have a good weekend roundup, but next weekend will be AWESOME.

Cheryl said...

PS>eHarmony is more for the marriage-minded. Just an FYI as you evaluate your options.

EP said...

This is absolutely awesome. And I would date you in a heartbeat!

As for my weekend, it's work, work, work. Depending on the weather, I will be attending a street festival in the ghetto (who knew small towns had them, right?) and a pumpkin patch. I cannot wait.

What about you?

The Modern Gal said...

That's freakin' awesome.

For what it's worth, I've had two friends who had major success with

Anonymous Amy said...

an STD test is a very smart thing--trust no one!...until tested.

CC said...

Love it. Best personal ad ever. i'm glad you clarified on the big neck thing cause that was my first thought when i read that you lifted weights. ;)

lifeintheleftlane said...

That is the best ad ever. You should try it. One of my close friends uses match, and she's definitely gone on a ton of dates. She's met a few guys she really likes too.

My fave parts of your ad: no lice and "Plus, it is important to me that my dad like you because should he not and we break up, there is a 50/50 chance you'll disappear in the middle of the night. We're only violent when prompted." Love it!

ToughGirl101 said...

My, my. Your sanity is EXACTLY what will keep you from getting a man.

It's only the crazies that get the guy.

Rachel said...

You forgot to add;

"If you do anything insane or ridiculous on our date I will post it on the internet for all to read"

RecoveringActor said...

I was never an online dating person myself, but I know three successful relationships (read: they're married) from online. But I'd so date you from that ad. It's charming and funny.

Weekend plans? hopefully sleeping in on Saturday night (woo!) and work on Sunday. Saturday is my one and only day off..

wordstastelikepeaches said...

i was rejected from eharmony twice. i hate them. with a passion.

with that being said, they better not reject you. 'cause you're totally dateable. ;-)

Fabulously Broke said...

I'd say it's a winning ad.

But a lot of guys could get totally intimidated off that ad

they read:

strong woman = bitch/feminist

attraction to my girlfriends =
she's possessive

Other than that, fabulous :) And funny.

Joy @ Big Time Fancy said...

1) I would totally date you because you're awesome.

2) However, your personal ad has a LOT of stipulations, which is fine - it's good to know what you want, but it's also going to freak out a lot of guys who read it and think "omg so negative, so many rules, blahblahblah".

3) Don't talk about sex & STD screenings and violent family members *yet*. These are things that can be touched upon in initial conversations, not in your profile. *I* think that shit is funny because I know you, but some boy who does not know you will read that and go, "Holy crazy."

4) Too harsh? I don't mean to be, I'm looking out for your best interests.

5) We have not gone drinking in forever. This needs fixing, stat.

Megkathleen said...

Oh yeah, I'd date you for sure.

There was the perfect amount of humor in that ad. Well done.

laurwilk said...


Have so much fun in IC. There is nothing better than a gorgeous fall day and a tailgate outside of Kinnick! You cannot comprehend how jealous I am of you! Eat a turkey leg for me.

LBluca77 said...

If I was a boy and lived in Chicago I would defiantly date you.

Kayleigh said...

I love that your personality shines through in the ad itself. Perfect. I've tried Match, but never paid for it, so it was kind of futile. However some guys figured out a way to contact me anyway, and I dated a guy for a few months this past winter that I met off of there. I think I need to change my profile, because most of the guys who showed interest in me freaked me out/were losers. Or maybe there are just a lot of shitty guys on there. Who knows? Either way good luck. I desperately need to meet new people, too.

Endless Randomness said...

Hey the ad is definetely funny (so you get brownie points for humour and which guy doesn't like a funny girl?) but I think writing out so many *stipulations* might act as a deterrent for some guys to write back to you.

Maybe you can have a slightly watered down screening process at first (don't scare them off with STD tests already) and probably chat over the phone etc before actually meeting someone in person!

Just my thoughts..

Stephanie said...

Great ad! It's funny and charming. Good luck and you better make sure to let your blog readers know if you decide to post it!

I do think it's interesting that you mentioned 'no debt'. I've never thought about it before, but I've been a married gal for the past 5 years. Did something happen at one time? Just curious, but you don't have to answer.

Katelin said...

sounds like a great ad to me, you're up front and honest and hey isn't that what people want to know?

ps. i have two friends that have met current bfs on online dating sites too. who knew it could be so magical? haha.

Angela said...

I think your ad is pretty honest. And witty! What guy doesn't like a witty lady??

Submit it! DO IT!

Jamie said...

I'll date you, Jess. We'd have the best dates ever.

Miss Grace said...

I've been thinking about doing the online thing too.

I think your ad should also include some sort of clause forbidding potential dates from emailing you pictures of their junk.

Heidi Renée said...

I like it.

And I'll be honest, I met my husband on Friendster.

Rebekah said...

I'm an eHarmony reject.

Internet dating is awesome story fodder but I've never had any luck with it. I like your potential profile, though - you really put it out there!

I mean, not put out, but... you know.

Pam said...

Love the ad! It's good to weed out those lice-ridden kleptos right off the bat. They're trouble.

I know a few people who have had success with dating sites. And if it doesn't work, at least you'll get great stories out of it!

Good luck! Have a great weekend!

itsjustsimple said...

The dad approval is a definite deal breaker!

Blaez said...

i didn't have luck with online dating through the websites. me and joe met accidentally on a game we play together online ---i think i've mentioned that.

while your entry is very witty and funny some guys might be a little turned off with the money talk and STD talk --violent fathers could be a huge turn off--

be safe! be careful! always meet someone for the 1st time in a well known place and don't be afraid to ask your friends to "hang out secretly" incase you need help!

bianca said...

i tagged you for a meme!

jamie said...

I think this is an awesome personal ad! You are too cute!

Also, I was just in Chicago for two days and I am heading back tomorrow for like 8 days, and I must say, I'm falling in love with your city!

EMD said...

I'd date'd be great if you were a bears fan too! Are you? I tried the online dating thing for a bit and it was ok. Nothing came of it but I did meet some cool girls. One of em is a good friend now! Happy football watching!

Athena Valentine said...

OMG you are so honest and I love it. Your ad made me giggle, I'd date you for sure. I did some online dating when I was younger and believe it or not, I met my fiance thru Yahoo, and he is an amazing man. He came without lice, is not scared of strong minded women and picks up the tab. I also can get my video game fix in with him! Good luck and your going to find someone amazing, I just know it. :)

Maki said...

Jess, many guys would date you - You are that charming!

Believe it or not, many of my friends put themselves on online dating sight and some of them have found great guys on there. One got married two years ago...

You should try it - it's fun!!!

Bobbie said...

I met my boyfriend online. Seriously. On, which has a lot of cool personality tests and is free, and a great way to meet friends. And we've been together more than a year. We started out as just friends and got to know each other first, and then we kinda fell for each other. It was wonderful. We live together now.

I would totally date you if I were a guy. I would perhaps not write in the ad that you aren't crazy, though. Let the fact that you aren't speak for itself. ;)

I am looking forward to reading your dating adventures!

Jane said...


you're charming

pbandrazz said...

i love it! and i would totally date you.

and the online dating thing would be good blog fodder....but it's also kind of weird. that's all i'm sayin.

Craig@work said...

Hey, loved your ad, for the most part. many of the others hit on good points, but remember, if you decide to go for the online thing, keep it simple and honest, and expect the same from those you may be interested in. My wife found me via Yahoo and match, and we've been married 4+ years. She said the best thing about my profile, is that when she met me, she found I had been honest in my profile, and that is the biggest thing.

If you are just looking for booty calls, online will keep you busier than a porn star, but serious dates take time, like looking for that diamond in a mine of coal.

Good luck if you go with it, your personality should attract amny moths to the flame!!!

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