Thursday, November 13, 2008

Sharing is not caring

I consider myself to be a giving person. Need me to spot you some money? Sure. Need someone to talk to? I'm here. For my most loyal friends, I'd even give them the clothes off my back if they needed it. Unfortunately, this giving nature doesn't translate to everything.

I'm not an only child, but I don't share well. And even though I have siblings, the rules are different when you're the only girl. Why? Because I didn't have to share anything. When we traveled, I had my own bed, bedroom and bathroom while the boys had to share. The girly toys were mine and I didn't have a sister to share my clothes and possessions with so there was no competition. And the mindframe of "that's mine" has carried into adulthood, where I am not the best sharer of my personal items.

For example, I love picking out outfits for friends. When shopping, I help pull together outfits and comment how great that would look with my Kate Spade purse or my Tory Burch flats. One friend asked once if she could borrow my purse and I was caught off-guard. I smiled and said, "yeah sure," but I made it clear that should anything happen to my lovely purse, that she would replace it for me, at retail value with interest. She never took me up on borrowing the purse.

One year, I had to babysit my stepmom's nieces and they helped me decorate my Christmas tree. My ornaments are very personal to me (I'll explain more later) and the kids were not known to be very gentle with other people's property. So, I told them that I would hand them ornaments and if something happened to Auntie Jess' stuff, that a finger would be broken for each item lost. Surprisingly, nothing was broken. Fear really works.

I've even found recently that lending out DVDs doesn't work well either for me. I end up lending them out and then upon return, sitting under a bright lamp to inspect it for scratches. That is so sad. 

I blame my recent no sharing policy on my stepmom, who borrowed an issue of Vanity Fair and then destroyed it at the beach, thanks to sunscreen sand and water. How irresponsible is that??

Re-reading this, I'm feeling a little crazy so I hope I'm not the only one who is a bad sharer of certain things. To be fair though, I'm like this only with things I really value...which is pretty much everything. Hey, in this economy, things have to last.

So this weekend, I'm headed back to Wisconsin to get a break from the city and to attend the Wisconsin Badgers/Minnesota Gophers game at Camp Randall. Time to bring out my beer-stained Wisconsin sweatshirt, which I will wash for this lovely occasion.

I was hoping to catch the new Bond movie, but sexy Daniel Craig will have to wait another week. Anyone else have big weekend plans?

30 comments:

Maxie said...

I'm pretty open about loaning my stuff, but only to people I really trust. And if it's something that's really special to me I warn the person first.

But...that said, I once loaned my best friend (at the time) my adorable lime green coach purse and she NEVER GAVE IT BACK.

yep. it sucks.

Erin said...

If I loan my stuff out, I have to really trust the person. I'm very picky about who I will loan my books to (almost no one). Most of my books are in pristine condition and look like they've never been read. I really hate it when they come back to me destroyed!

Lily said...

Go Gophers!!! OMG, have fun this weekend! Being in Madison for that game is awesome! :)

I'm getting sake drunk at a new sake place here in Minneapolis tomorrow night, spending Saturday painting in prep for the move, and then baby-sitting Sat night...

M-I-N-N-E-S-O-T-A! Minnesota! Minnesota! YAY GOPHERS! :)

howitstarts said...

I'm crazy possessive of things that have value to me. My mom teases me about it all the time. I think it comes from past experiences where I loaned someone something and it came back broken.

I will be cheering for a different Wisconsin football team up in Green Bay this weekend.

Maki said...

A good friend of mine has always been a borrower of my dresses and purses and shoes.. It was fun at first, but now it's getting to me big time.

I've earned those nice things and every time I have something new, she spotts it and tells me that she is going to borrow (She doesn't even ask me anymore, she tell me).

My Ju Ju is turning 5 this Saturday!

Rachel Burton said...

Sadly enough, I'm most possessive with food. My husband and I have all-out wars over who gets the last serving of homemade jelly or the last scoop of ice cream. I probably need professional help.

emmaelizabeth said...

omg i'm totally like that. I won't share anything. IF I do- I have a huge internal freakout. I blame my cousins who literally ruined every fun toy my brother and I had when we were little. Not kidding- every fun thing. Same with money too though- I have a really hard time loaning anyone money. I've been burned too many times by not getting paid back.

pinkjellybaby said...

like you, i'm giving and generous but i don't like sharing, well it's more like i don't like other people having my stuff.
i'm not so fussed about loaning out clothes but i will NOT share a curry!! that's sad!

Ray said...

I am the complete opposite...I will loan/give away anything as long as it's not extremely valuable. I just don't get too attached to "stuff" which also has its problems...especially when my husband wonders why I am down three shirts and a pair of earrings at the end of the month...lol.

Ginger said...

I went to a preview of Bond last night... it was... ok.

Casino Royale was better, in my opinion. I'm sort of glad I didn't pay $12 to go see it tonight when it opens. There wasn't nearly enough naked Daniel Craig.

Maybe you can wait to see it on cheap night or use a coupon?

Mandy said...

I read this and laughed! I am the same way.....I grew up with a brother but we had our own stuff whats mine is mine carried into adulthood for me too. I will loan stuff to only a few close people...

Have a fun weekend!!

Rachel said...

I'm going to be honest with you here.

Never lend me anything. I am one of those people that forgets to return things. I swear it's not on purpose! I'm just forgetful.

RebeccaC said...

Jessica! A Vanity Fair MAGAZINE? was it gold plated? Come on! You're better than that.

Deutlich said...

I TOTALLY get that way sometimes!

laurwilk said...

I really couldn't be more opposite. I give my stuff away constantly.

Do my favorite pair of jeans look good on you? Okay, you can have them.

Sometimes it's a problem - because I realize I start running out of clothes. But apparently it doesn't bother me enough to stop giving!

I'm also not so good at returning. I have lots of sisters and with sisters...you kind of can just take things. But if you ask, and I can find it, I'll always give it back!

Maris said...

I used to be very open to sharing...but some experiences (like unreturned blouses, miscellanous holes in sleeves, purses that I know were there yesterday, and even obsessive roommates who accuse you of stealing from their dirty laundry pile and then a day later, OH WAIT, SORRY, THAT WAS THERE ALL ALONG) I think a no-sharing policy is good. I'll lend things like books I've read already or inexpensive items but if I deeply care about having something returned to me I tend to err on the side of "you know, I was planning on wearing that Saturday too. Sorry!"

S. said...

I'm pretty much exactly the same when it comes to the realm of sharing. Whilst I was reading your post I was totally nodding my head in agreement.

I'm an only child. Nuff. said.

Haha, great post.:)

thatShortChick said...

well I am on only child and i totally have a problem sharing my personal things. it's a bad side effect of my OCS (only child syndrome).

The Modern Gal said...

I'm an only child, so I'm definitely not good at the sharing. And yes, I can probably name everything anyone has ever borrowed from me and not given back.

Megan said...

Gooooo Gophers. Sorry, I know you are a Wisconsin fan, but I think you guys are going to get smacked. Yay for having the ax back in MN!!

I hope you have fun though! A bunch of my friends are headed to Camp Randall and I wish I was going!

Megkathleen said...

I'm pretty good about loaning people my stuff. I'm surprised my sister still shares stuff with me though - I ruined a lot of her clothes growing up.

Katelin said...

i try my best to share but i make sure to instill the same ideas of "you break it or mess it up you're buying me a new one." and as for my dvds, i definitely make people write their names down when they take one, they're like my babies. haha.

Blaez said...

i use to share fairly well and then i never got it back...

so i don't share anymore. i'm pretty selfish.

EP said...

I was good at sharing my stuff when I lived in the sorority house. After a lot of my DVDs and clothing disappeared and never returned, I'm a little more wary about lending things to people. However, I'd help a good friend out whenever.

You aren't alone.

Janelle said...

I guess I am pretty much considered a Wells Fargo. I loan out anything. Clothes, shoes even a vehicle a time or two but then again I have 5 siblings. Nothing was ever just mine.
Saturday serving turkey to the seniors and watching the UFC fight at a friends.
Sunday - OUTDOOR cookie booth sales. FYI I live in Wisconsin. Buurrrrr

Sunflowers said...

I was an only child until I hit my teenage years... I don't like to share, but I'll happily give something to a friend or family member when I want to upgrade (i.e. gave my digital camera to my mom when my bf got me a new one, my ipod to my dad when I got an iphone, clothes to friends, etc).

Actually, I don't mind sharing as long as I'm doing a swap (like the other day when my friend loaned me Sex and the City DVDs and I loaned her Veronica Mars :)).

Princess Pointful said...

Lending is often a ridiculous idea, really. I have no idea where most of my good books are, and I still have a ridiculously small miniskirt my friend once convinced me to borrow and wear out on 80s night and I would never set foot in again.

Tipp said...

I would not let my FIRST BORN carry a Kate Spade bag of mine. Seriously.

Classy in Philadelphia said...

I'm not really a good share-er either. I never get anything back.

I do have a sister, and she comes in my room whenever I'm not there and I usually find clothes or bags laying on her floor the next day. Not cool.

miss button said...

I am bad at sharing. Depending on who it is with...

My little sis borrowed a $200 dress of mine, and I eventually got it back. From the bottom of her wardrobe. All scrunched up, and dirty.
It was fine after a wash, but I'm still always wary!