Tuesday, January 6, 2009

The art of keeping my mouth shut

I have a problem keeping my mouth shut and it's gotten me in trouble a few times, especially when it comes to relationships.

Over the holidays, my stepbrother brought another new girl home to meet the family. He says that she's "the one," but when he asked what I thought about her, I had an odd flashback to other, more inappropriate things I've said about friends and family's past significant others. As a disclaimer, alcohol was involved in just about every one of these below moments.
  • "Well if you like a horse face, she's great!"
  • "Girl looks like Blossom, whoa! No one wants to bang Blossom"
  • "She's carries water weight well"
  • "Her eyebrows look kind of whorey, and if the eyebrows are whorey... you know what I'm saying"
  • "She's nice, but seriously, no one is that nice unless they're on pills"
  • "She looks easy, is she just for tonight?"
Turns out, I don't just say this about others, I tend to have inappropriate responses to compliments or declarations of love from guys. Brandy had a similar post over summer and I thought it was also too applicable to me to pass up. 

So here are some of my responses to compliments or declarations of love from men:
  • "Don't stay here for me, trust me, you'll regret it"
  • "If you think I'm pretty, you don't get out a lot"
  • "I sure...like you a lot...yeah...I gotta go"
  • "I love you too...so are we making out?"
  • "How desperate are you?"
  • "No I won't go get you a beer/soda/glass of water/or pair of pants to put on"
  • "Get back to work"
Yes, when Peter told me he loved me, I believed him and did not respond with a snarky comment, so I'm capable of hearing it, maybe it's just the context in which I hear it needs adjustment.

Maybe there is hope for me in 2009 to think before I speak, especially when wine is involved. And I need to be more supportive of my friends' and family's love interests, but I'm sure deep down  some of them were thinking the same thing, I'm just verbalizing what they're afraid of saying. Yeah that's it.

Well, I am super excited that tomorrow is Friday and it's the weekend again. This weekend I want to go see the Sean Penn movie Milk, help celebrate a colleague's birthday and have a few friends over for the Golden Globes on Sunday. I'm sure I'll have my thoughts on who won/lost and what everyone wore on Monday.

Big weekend plans from anyone else?

Reader note: Thank you everyone for sharing your candy addictions. There were some very interesting comments with some choices I didn't even think of! I'm sorry I didn't include a link to Frango, thank you to everyone who explained what they are. There is a Frango page on Wikipedia too!

41 comments:

Kyla Bea said...

Oh my gosh, can you come to Winnipeg to tear down people at parties while I dissolve in laughter from 2 feet away? I have a couple bridges that I could burn just to hear someone really say those things.

Sounds like you have an amazing weekend plan - have fun!

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

i don't believe it is friday tomorrow, this week went so fast.

i have a wine party on friday and im going to see RENT on sunday.

have a good weekend jess!

andyhannon said...

Oh my god. It probably sounds terrible of me, but I love nothing more than making fun of people creatively. It is perfect.

For the weekend, not much. I'm in a comedy show tomorrow night. In which I will probably make fun of people. Woo.

Heidi Renée said...

So what DID you think of her? And was your response in line with what you thought, or did you just say something nice and non-committal?

Mandy said...

I cannot be held responsible for things I say when I am under the influence. Those are all so great. I love it!

Maxie said...

The week DID go fast--- crazzzzy.

This weekend I'm going to stay at home and play with my NEW BLACKBERRY! mwhahaha

Rachel said...

My favorite bayjb moment?
"Rachel, why are you so loud?" as I sit by Pete in a crowded restaurant. I swear, my little spot in that meetup was loud and I as just trying to compete!

Arielle said...

Everyone needs a friend who tells them what others are thinking but no one actually says. You're doing the world a service!

Bridget said...

I am so glad I'm not the only one who cannot resist commenting when, well, we shouldn't otherwise. :)

Thank goodness for people who speak their minds!

emmaelizabeth said...

haha.... i could only hope to have enough guts to say things like that. hilarious.

Lacey Bean said...

No big exciting plans this weekend, but I almost spit out my fruit punch with "no wone wants to bang Blosson!".

Poor Blossom. Maybe it would improve if she got rid of the hats?

Maki said...

You're soo cute.. I have the same problem; speaking what's on my mind before fully think through..

One time, my friend told me her daughter can't eat lots of chocolate because she is allergic to it. My reply was, "Oh just like dogs - chocolate is toxic to the animal." My husband kicked my leg under the table and told me later I should never compare human and animal. I didn't mean in a bad way, all I wanted to poin out was that the chocolate can be toxic to some people.. But I was embarrassed.

LJ said...

Hilarious post! I love the Whorey eyebrows comment....it is so true though!

Elle said...

FYI I laughed out loud at the eyebrow/whore quote. I actually LOLed so automatically I became a follower!

I don't keep my mouth shut either, and although a quick tongue sometimes leads to awkward situation there are just as many quick one liners you shoot out there that make everyone laugh.

Stay just the way you are, love the blog.

bianca said...

HAHA I love that you commented that a girl looked like Blossom I was all about that show back in the day.

And don't worry, I make comments like that too.

Have a fabulous weekend!

Callie said...

Oh, my gosh! That's freakin' hilarious.
I've never been that bad, but some quite horrible things have come out of my mouth in the past (my 21st birthday was quite a show, lol).
Better things in 2009, yes? :)

High-heel gal said...

haha, love those comments about your brother's new girl. I totally give my family hell about their sig others too. (and they make fun of me for not having one!)

liz said...

I tend to become really good friends with my friends choices in significant others. They usually pick well because they are all smart people. If I do have a problem with the person, it never has anything to do with appearance. That shouldn't matter as much as personality and I think it is sad that it does. Love is blind.

As for the 'I love you' thing. I can't handle it either. Especially at the wrong time aka when I'm driving, I almost hit a car.

SoMi's Nilsa said...

But, was your step-brother's girlfriend nice? A good person? Wanting the best for your bro? I mean, looks may be something today, but seriously, MOST of us get uglier over time anyway. It's the other things that stick with us!

We're having a bunch of friends over on Sunday to watch the NFL playoffs. So, today and Saturday will be filled with cooking and cleaning. And maybe treating ourselves to a movie Saturday night *if* we are productive until then! Have a great weekend!

Angela said...

Your brother must not be able to pick girls really well if you haven't had much nice to say about them!

Katie said...

love it...don't stop letting them fly :) I mean, how can your brother trust that you actually like someone if all you ever do is lie, right?!? besides, only sisters know what kinda girls their brothers deserve :)

S. said...

I pretty much have the same problem. I am getting better but alcohol...alcohol kind of takes me back a couple spaces in the whole think before you speak department.

thatShortChick said...

sometimes i have the same problem but sadly, no alcohol is usually involved.

i loved the comment about blossom!! hahaha

oh and i voted for you in the 20sb awards! good luck!

Miss Grace said...

So what did you say to your brother?

I'm working this weekend, so no fun plans.

Cheryl said...

I can't wait to hear the snarky in action when it comes to the Globes! Then, you have to do an Oscar post...

Jamie said...

Um, I have a huge problem saying this without thinking them through. Like very bad things. Like can't blog about the embarassment I have brought upon myself. But there are some good stories in there. This is too funny.

Blaez said...

i feel u.

SarahBeth said...

I definitely suffer from the same "big mouth" affliction. Although I think you have a bit more wit than I do, so keep it up, it's probably part of your charm!

Ashley said...

I'm amazed that you have that great of a memory!

:)

My weekend = Yoga Boot Camp.

I'm so serious.

Katelin said...

i used to have the same problem and have definitely learned to keep my mouth shut sometimes when talking about my friends/families significant others, etc. i guess sometimes they just have to figure then out themselves.

anyhoo, happy weekend!

mistressmom said...

I'm glad I'm not the only person who says not-so-nice things off the top of her head! LOL The only difference is, I do it without the aide of any drugs!

Jen K said...

I will never figure out how to keep my mouth shut. You have no idea the things that come out of my mouth, and luckily the people around me the most know my sarcasm. Even my blog today got me in trouble...oops...oh well!!

Megkathleen said...

I love it - I wish I was more like you. I never have the balls to say what I'm really thinking and sometimes I think you should.

EP said...

Keeping your mouth closed is totally overrated. These quotes are incredible. And I bet some man would love to hear them. Really.

Angela said...

"She looks easy, is she just for tonight?"

LOVE IT.

Anonymous said...

and i guess you are just perfect?? sounds like you and your stepbrother are pretty close since he has asked for your opinion. if you say that he thinks this is "the one" why would you think badly?? wouldn't your stepbro be upset that his really close stepsister talks about his love behind his back?? just seems crazy and mean.

Aaron said...

i agree with anonymous. clearly you're close to him, but are you sure he's cool with you posting about him? what about the rest of your family? i'd hate to see you screw up your relationships because of a post and you sure do post a lot about your family.

Rosemarie said...

I agree with you on You being the family member who just verbalizes everyones thoughts because face it, everyone is thinking the same thing! Ha!

I don't think you are the one who needs to change, I think your step brother might need to stop bring all of "the One"'s home! lol

Jamie said...

Sometimes things just have to be said!

Hope you have a great weekend :)

everyviewpoint said...

anonymous's comments are most often the most observant of all comment's and thus the most interesting, definitly adds to the overall interest and realism.

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