Wednesday, April 2, 2008

More bad wedding etiquette

It's officially wedding season and as you have seen from my recent and February posts, there is plenty of poor wedding etiquette abound!

And today, that poor etiquette touched my brother's wedding, which I will be standing up in during Memorial Day. And I have to admit, I have quite a bee in my bonnet about the e-mail I received today.

Sunday is the wedding shower (for a whopping 90 people) and leading up to this, my brother and his fiancee told me that her mother or sisters (who are throwing the shower) would be contacting me to talk about it. Why? I had no idea. My name was not on the shower invite and the bridesmaids are not even the hosts. So according to my friends Anne and Margaret, the latter of whom has memorized the Emily Post etiquette book, the only thing I need to know about the shower is when and where it is. I am not financially responsible at all.

So imagine my surprise today when I get an e-mail - a mass e-mail - from one of the bride's sisters reminding me and the other bridesmaids about the shower this weekend (thanks - trust me, I didn't forget).

But then we get to the good stuff, "My mom also wanted me to contact everyone about input for the shower. She will gladly bring everything but was hoping that we could all help pay for it. She was asking for possible $20-$25 per person. If that's not possible just give her a call at [phone number removed] and she'll work something out."

What the hell? I was stunned. And it takes a lot to stun me to the extent that I was. I promptly got on the IM to my brother and proceeded to tell him what I received and why I was having an internal rage wave about this. No shock, he didn't seem that surprised, and understood where I was coming from. This girl takes the cowardly way out by mass e-mailing all of us to peddle for cash? At least the homeless people ask for it nicely on the street (most of the time). I've been told for a month that her mom or sister will call to personally talk to me about this and now four days before the shower she is e-mailing us to tell us this.

I'm also offended by this because it's another mass e-mail, has no one learned anything from my previous posts? It's all just tacky and in poor taste.

So no I am not financially contributing to these shenanigan's. And if I get another mass e-mail about this, I might explode.


Cass said...

when did people stop caring about being polite? It makes me a little sad...

Anonymous said...

WAY inappropriate. this is the year of inappropriate wedding behavior and i'm not excited about it. perhaps it's a bad idea on their part to invite NINETY people to the shower!!!

Bayjb said...

Thanks guys. It is disheartening that politeness is going out the window and you're right, 90 people is a lot for the shower.

I sent back an e-mail today saying that I'm just unable to contribute right now...but if I Had been contacted earlier, I might have been able to do it. I refuse to support bad behavior.

KG said...

You would think that watching various financial companies go belly up would teach these people a lesson - don't commit to something you can't afford and, in all honesty, it doesn't look too good when you have to call in the Feds (or the bridesmaids) to financially bail you out. What's next? Well...with our country its asking the UK to cover our heiny. For weddings...perhaps its asking each guest to pay $15 to attend the party.

Cass said...

good job, J. I think you did the right thing!

Bayjb said...

I would never pay to attend someone's wedding or they get me in attendance in lieu of a gift. Also - I forgot to mention that the family is PAYING for the entire wedding so why are they now being cheap about $125? Seriously.

shoesaplenty said...

You should take advantage of the opportunity of 90 people coming together in one room as you will have a captive and warm market.

Bring some cards and some chips. Offer an opportunity for "casino time." You play dealer and function as the "house." Blackjack will be your best move - just keep them playing. You'll leave with more money than you came with and you'll be able to buy coolio accessories for your new Mac Book.

Or, bring some booze -- but, puhleeze, nothing cheap - no well drinks. Play bartender and charge per drink. If you don't have it in you - keep a tip cup in view.

Don't be cheap. It's your brother's future wife and in-laws. Pay the "entrance fee" as low class as it may be and don't create additional drama. Suck it up and stop complaining.

I would also avoid advice from your friends with cats. To my understanding, the EPA has been sitting on a recent study on the long term effects of dander. It's ugly. It's sad.

On a side note, you should also take advantage of the mass email list you have acquired. Start throwing out zany ideas for every one else to fund -- this way, they won't think you're cheap and people will be afraid of tossing out additional expenditure ideas.

One idea is to say that you saw a wonderful special on a tour group that does frequent trips to the Amazon. One in particular allows the group to actually hike the same path Roosevelt did when he made his first visit along the river. State that you believe that your brother would LOVE it and that is would be cool for them to have an adventure like this together. Then tell everyone that you need them to all contribute $1,144 each to cover the trip for the wonderful couple. Everyone on the email list will love the idea and enjoy your cosmopolitan view of life and ideas.

It will include porters, private chef for gourmet meals, all air and transfers. All they need to do is show up. Hot idea.